i guess some people wish for their balcony in these dark days. these few days have been darker to me. i do not feel better. the fear still exists, it has changed a bit. but it is still there.
———
yesterday a japanese guy killed himself. he threw himself from the window of his hospital room. he had been admitted in jabal 3amel in tyre on wednesday after suffering a nervous breakdown. he had been an aid worker in bint jbeil.
two nights ago, i met a guy who confessed to me he had been drinking every night for the past week to forget what he had seen. trying to drown what he had seen for 10 days in marjeyoun during the aggressions. he told me he had never seen anything like that. he could not rid himself of the images. another guy was also drunk shitless trying to forget his visit to the south.
what have they seen? what's in the south?
i have friends trying to stir things down there, to re-construct, to help out... they tell me in 3aita al cha3eb the old city has been bulldozered. literally bulldozered. the bulldozer sits on what looks now as a terrain vague.
———
and i wait...
i dunno for what. but it's not over. and the only feeling i have inside is one of suspension. suspended. like the dirt left by thousands of air raids in our sky.
fuck'em all.
they have ripped all of us of our lives.
and now we die.
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