the death of dreamers

i have always been more of a dreamer than a doer.

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i have been often getting into conversations about my future plans lately. and i guess that a lot of you know how much i was hating my clients and the work i have been doing lately.
and so i have come up with the decision of reducing my design services and trying to invest in a new solo project, which details i won't get into now. as i usually have the habit of doing, i was discussing of the issue with friends. and these conversations always ended up by an unanswered question:
what if i didn't want to get ‘real’?
real in the sense of real life, what the market demands, how the market works, how clients function, how design is appreciated and what creativity means to common mortals. as opposed to me high and mighty elitist snotty divinity of nothing.
what if i am not willing to move that little ugly drawing a bit to the right, or make the logo a bit bigger or change the font to times new roman? or be ‘creative’?

i found myself professing outloud the refusal to reduce myself into a design slave. no more will i succomb to financial pressures and accept rotten projects with rotten clients.
can't i do what the client wants, take the money and turn my back? no. i can't. and no, i don't want to. each time i try convincing myself doing that, i feel like a little kid getting forced into doing sth he doesn't want. i get a headache, can't sleep well, become very aggressive, and plainly just hate. and then why should i? that's like prostituting oneself. is this how u like it? yeah? u like it like that? yeah?...

my job provides rhinoplasty to cleopatra. cleopatra does not need a new nose, she has a perfectly beautiful flawless nose. and what does the new nose serve? nothing, it only serves itself. its existence as a done nose is its reason of existence.

i guess it's too much to ask for. each and every person i talked to had the look or the tone in the voice that clearly said: grow up zooz! wein 3eysheh?! el deneh ma hek bteshteghel... hejik te7lameh.

dreams and dreamers have no place on earth.
why has it come to a time where dreams have no place? why has it come to a time to comply to certain models and not be able to grow beyond them? or even avoid them?

leh, khayyeh? leh? hunh? leh?