25.1.07
23.1.07
we'r on the news again
as usual when i can't work, i blog. i think i'm gonna cook too.
———
so my fellow countrymen (and women) are on the streets; cursing each other in a face-off or throwing stones at each other (like in mazraa for example), and i find myself wishing they could all be lynched down by the army. what ever rocks one's boat...
so we're on the news again. hurray. beirut will be more famous. we can maybe sell a new touristic image of beirut.
open a new tourism attraction.
After eco-tourism, sex-tourism, please join me in welcoming the latest edition of tourism:
the post-war tension tourism.
we offer at very attractive prices, tours to our demolished cities and trips to brainwashing rallies of both pro-government and pro-opposition movements. In addition to our guides to protests, we also give crash courses in throwing stones at opposing fellow countrymen, cursing your opponents effectively and of course, our favorite, burning tyres and trash in the middle of the streets.
Additional classes of moving cars from the middle of the street and throwing them on the curbs are given to people deemed physically fit.
———
on a separate note
Sleiman Frangiye 3am bi nashid bi ta3beer silmeh bala mouwejaha. need i remind him that yesterday he was threatening the people who were going to work today to be careful on their ways back home.
what an ass.
———
Brad Mehldau.
goddamn that man makes magic.
———
i truly am flabbergasted at the strength and power of denial.
Future tv is unbelievable. i think they live on a different planet.
ma ma32ool...
it's mind blowing...
"Mama Mama! 3am bi daffeshneh!"
"7ayete, ma t3abbero, 3mol 7alak ma sheyfo! hek bte2haro! se3eta byezha2 w bi fill..."
nasi7it el noss lira.
———
akrah loubnan wal loubnaniyeen. wa shookran.
am starting to think we were wrong in our Lawein.
———
so my fellow countrymen (and women) are on the streets; cursing each other in a face-off or throwing stones at each other (like in mazraa for example), and i find myself wishing they could all be lynched down by the army. what ever rocks one's boat...
so we're on the news again. hurray. beirut will be more famous. we can maybe sell a new touristic image of beirut.
open a new tourism attraction.
After eco-tourism, sex-tourism, please join me in welcoming the latest edition of tourism:
the post-war tension tourism.
we offer at very attractive prices, tours to our demolished cities and trips to brainwashing rallies of both pro-government and pro-opposition movements. In addition to our guides to protests, we also give crash courses in throwing stones at opposing fellow countrymen, cursing your opponents effectively and of course, our favorite, burning tyres and trash in the middle of the streets.
Additional classes of moving cars from the middle of the street and throwing them on the curbs are given to people deemed physically fit.
———
on a separate note
Sleiman Frangiye 3am bi nashid bi ta3beer silmeh bala mouwejaha. need i remind him that yesterday he was threatening the people who were going to work today to be careful on their ways back home.
what an ass.
———
Brad Mehldau.
goddamn that man makes magic.
———
i truly am flabbergasted at the strength and power of denial.
Future tv is unbelievable. i think they live on a different planet.
ma ma32ool...
it's mind blowing...
"Mama Mama! 3am bi daffeshneh!"
"7ayete, ma t3abbero, 3mol 7alak ma sheyfo! hek bte2haro! se3eta byezha2 w bi fill..."
nasi7it el noss lira.
———
akrah loubnan wal loubnaniyeen. wa shookran.
am starting to think we were wrong in our Lawein.
12.1.07
it's been a month since i wrote anything substantial.
i can't bring myself to focus.
———
the trip.
it was so cool. so nice. so africa...
it was brilliant. it was fun. it was unforgettable.
it was one of those life changing experiences; not in a grandiose gesture, but on a very small scale. a trip that refreshes your perspective, makes you requestion your priorities, and eventually makes you want to avoid the reality of your life now... it makes you change the life you were leading, turn it into sth else—regardless whether for the better or the worse, change it nonetheless.
i didn't want to come back.
why would i come back?
the situation in the country is horrendous. evb is bummed out of his/her mind. evb is depressed—including the family who has been going through a rough 2 years, which sucks coz my famiy is the bestest funnest family ever. the work am doing am not necessarily happy with, or at least am not satisfied, so why come back?
and the "why come back?" question turns into "why stay?"
and really why stay?
i keep thinking am wasting time here. that i should take the situation as an opportunity to go do sth else somewhere else since evth is sucking here.
+ i don't like what am doing.
i hate waking up in the morning. i dont wanna wake up.
...
i may wanna be on a vacation all my life.
...
i may be a lazy blogger , Bored... but i don't wanna b lazy and i'm not gonna be.
Am gonna take over the world. or visit it. but i will be lazy nomore!!!
———
photos i took with my phone in Africa upon arrival
i can't bring myself to focus.
———
the trip.
it was so cool. so nice. so africa...
it was brilliant. it was fun. it was unforgettable.
it was one of those life changing experiences; not in a grandiose gesture, but on a very small scale. a trip that refreshes your perspective, makes you requestion your priorities, and eventually makes you want to avoid the reality of your life now... it makes you change the life you were leading, turn it into sth else—regardless whether for the better or the worse, change it nonetheless.
i didn't want to come back.
why would i come back?
the situation in the country is horrendous. evb is bummed out of his/her mind. evb is depressed—including the family who has been going through a rough 2 years, which sucks coz my famiy is the bestest funnest family ever. the work am doing am not necessarily happy with, or at least am not satisfied, so why come back?
and the "why come back?" question turns into "why stay?"
and really why stay?
i keep thinking am wasting time here. that i should take the situation as an opportunity to go do sth else somewhere else since evth is sucking here.
+ i don't like what am doing.
i hate waking up in the morning. i dont wanna wake up.
...
i may wanna be on a vacation all my life.
...
i may be a lazy blogger , Bored... but i don't wanna b lazy and i'm not gonna be.
Am gonna take over the world. or visit it. but i will be lazy nomore!!!
———
photos i took with my phone in Africa upon arrival
5.1.07
19.12.06
65 HOURS TIL I LEAVE TO AFRICA!!
woohoo
65... 65... 65... 65...
lalalla lalalla
can't wait!
can't wait!!
65... 65... 65...
65... 65... 65... 65...
lalalla lalalla
can't wait!
can't wait!!
65... 65... 65...
10.12.06
saba7 el kheir
am watching the gebran tueni thing. and she says saba7 el kheir. and am thinking what kheir?
for 2 weeks now we have been in a shitty situation. the country is rapidly going down the drain since the march 8 coalition is in the streets. is it for a better tomorrow?
even if this is what they wish for, is the situation salvageable still?
what next?
have we lost it all?
i dont see how a new improved government can help us get out of the mess we're in.
as always a struggle for power, a struggle that instrumentalizes the people, the crowd for individuals who wouldn't care less about the greater good or cause. individuals who care only of personal wealth and power.
say no to politicians!
hey, you! say no to politicians!
NO! NO! NO TO POLITICIANS!
yalla kilna sawa! no! no! no to politicians!
yes yes yes for zoozoo!!!
———
fe, i didn't like the new danger mouse album... is too hip hoppy for me.
———
we will wait.
i will wait.
for the situaiton to blow over.
for hell to freeze over.
i will wait.
godot shoud be here any moment now. he misscalled me when he left home. but u know him, he's always late. il aime se faire attendre.
———
14 days till i fly to ghana.
hurray!
i wanna go to africa!
i'm gonna miss my bro who's coming for the holidays... that sucks.
but africa, the lions and the tigers await!
the savana calls.
zoozoo zoozoo zoozoo zoozoo
for 2 weeks now we have been in a shitty situation. the country is rapidly going down the drain since the march 8 coalition is in the streets. is it for a better tomorrow?
even if this is what they wish for, is the situation salvageable still?
what next?
have we lost it all?
i dont see how a new improved government can help us get out of the mess we're in.
as always a struggle for power, a struggle that instrumentalizes the people, the crowd for individuals who wouldn't care less about the greater good or cause. individuals who care only of personal wealth and power.
say no to politicians!
hey, you! say no to politicians!
NO! NO! NO TO POLITICIANS!
yalla kilna sawa! no! no! no to politicians!
yes yes yes for zoozoo!!!
———
fe, i didn't like the new danger mouse album... is too hip hoppy for me.
———
we will wait.
i will wait.
for the situaiton to blow over.
for hell to freeze over.
i will wait.
godot shoud be here any moment now. he misscalled me when he left home. but u know him, he's always late. il aime se faire attendre.
———
14 days till i fly to ghana.
hurray!
i wanna go to africa!
i'm gonna miss my bro who's coming for the holidays... that sucks.
but africa, the lions and the tigers await!
the savana calls.
zoozoo zoozoo zoozoo zoozoo
30.11.06
22.11.06
conspiracy theories
i've been reading all morning some blogs i've come to know during the july war. they are brilliant at analyzing current events. it is sad to read people commenting and trying to solve the issue. who did what, who is truly gaining profit of the assassination...
when people go into trying to discover hidden reasons, under-the-table behind-closed-doors deals, conspiracy theories; do they not know that they are serving the perpetrators. a voyage into the dark world of conspiracy theories—audience discretion is advised against absurdity.
theory 1—the most obvious
the syrians killed Gemayel as to weaken and threaten the health of the current government
theory 2—the less obvious, conspiracy theory at a first level, a counter argument to 1
the current government kills Gemayel, trying to frame the opposition.
they do it to give legitimacy to their government, to the brammertz commission and to put the opposition in a tough spot—especially when the opposition was preparing to go to the streets.
this argument is easy, la preuve, suleiman frangié proposed it.
theory 3—the even less obvious, conspiracy theory at a 2nd level, a counter argument to 2
the opposition kills gemayel, trying to frame the government.
this strategy relies on the conspiracy theorists of the first level who will ensure the propagation of argument 2, which is the main idea the opposition wants to spread. the opposition gains support of skepticals who would've been able to foresee argument 2; and hence gives legitimacy to its claims of underachievement and illegitimacy of the current ministerial corps.
this argument is a bit forcé; but current governement supporters need to fight fire with fire.
theory 4—the not so obvious, conspiracy theory at a 3rd level, a counter argument to all other theories
the 3rd current lebanese movement—the one thats not the new opposition nor the new government—kills Gemayel, trying to divide the 2 more powerful clans.
the alternative movement is trying to weaken the 2 other clans, hoping some sparks will be able to ignite further tensions between the two, in the hopes of presenting itself as an impartial transparent replacement for both clans.
a desperate attempt to enter the more serious political scene you say? well yes... but here the question rises: are they the perpetrators of only this murder or the whole bunch of them eversince the attempt on hamade?!? the plot thickens my friends... that 3rd alternative movement is indeed made of has-been politicians... wahahahaahHHAHA, i burst in laughter as i am striking the thick white hair of my persian cat
this argument offers a wholistic explanation of our recent history in murders and power struggles.
theory 5—the not obvious at all, conspiracy theory at a 4th level, no theory even compares
el ossa akbar menna! el moo2amara kbireh! the americans killed gemayel.
george w bush, afraid of the rising democrats and afraid losing his position, with and through the israelis, drowns the country in this chaotic state hoping for another war, in which he can squeeze himself to guarantee a re-election— if not for himself for the republicans; the don't change horses in mid-stream strategy. he needs an axis to fight something (everybody needs an axis): the brits are bored with their blair, and hence bush has to find another ally that he could find in sarkosy, the french elections are due next march. a new axis can be created to fight terrorism. where to find terrorism u ask? iraq is saturated, jordan is their bitch, egypt and syria are out of the question, but wait! there is a small country of indestructible little stupid warriors who get drifted into civil war every now and then; a small country that can be easily divided thanks to a magical potion called sectarianism! hurray the solution is there!!! they pose terrorism as a problem there, and they already did; lebanese politicians started using the term.
And tataaaaa happy republicans everywhere!
am tired...
but i think we can come up with more... spielberg needs a new subject for his next movie, hollywood producers leading the world... yes... yes... am on to something there...
sniff sniiff i can smell something weird... sniff sniff... the smell of stupidity...
when will people stop wasting their time and fight for their civic rights instead of the feodal politicians of ours? when will they wake up?
when i count to three i'll snap my fingers and u will wake up... 1... 2... 3...
when people go into trying to discover hidden reasons, under-the-table behind-closed-doors deals, conspiracy theories; do they not know that they are serving the perpetrators. a voyage into the dark world of conspiracy theories—audience discretion is advised against absurdity.
theory 1—the most obvious
the syrians killed Gemayel as to weaken and threaten the health of the current government
theory 2—the less obvious, conspiracy theory at a first level, a counter argument to 1
the current government kills Gemayel, trying to frame the opposition.
they do it to give legitimacy to their government, to the brammertz commission and to put the opposition in a tough spot—especially when the opposition was preparing to go to the streets.
this argument is easy, la preuve, suleiman frangié proposed it.
theory 3—the even less obvious, conspiracy theory at a 2nd level, a counter argument to 2
the opposition kills gemayel, trying to frame the government.
this strategy relies on the conspiracy theorists of the first level who will ensure the propagation of argument 2, which is the main idea the opposition wants to spread. the opposition gains support of skepticals who would've been able to foresee argument 2; and hence gives legitimacy to its claims of underachievement and illegitimacy of the current ministerial corps.
this argument is a bit forcé; but current governement supporters need to fight fire with fire.
theory 4—the not so obvious, conspiracy theory at a 3rd level, a counter argument to all other theories
the 3rd current lebanese movement—the one thats not the new opposition nor the new government—kills Gemayel, trying to divide the 2 more powerful clans.
the alternative movement is trying to weaken the 2 other clans, hoping some sparks will be able to ignite further tensions between the two, in the hopes of presenting itself as an impartial transparent replacement for both clans.
a desperate attempt to enter the more serious political scene you say? well yes... but here the question rises: are they the perpetrators of only this murder or the whole bunch of them eversince the attempt on hamade?!? the plot thickens my friends... that 3rd alternative movement is indeed made of has-been politicians... wahahahaahHHAHA, i burst in laughter as i am striking the thick white hair of my persian cat
this argument offers a wholistic explanation of our recent history in murders and power struggles.
theory 5—the not obvious at all, conspiracy theory at a 4th level, no theory even compares
el ossa akbar menna! el moo2amara kbireh! the americans killed gemayel.
george w bush, afraid of the rising democrats and afraid losing his position, with and through the israelis, drowns the country in this chaotic state hoping for another war, in which he can squeeze himself to guarantee a re-election— if not for himself for the republicans; the don't change horses in mid-stream strategy. he needs an axis to fight something (everybody needs an axis): the brits are bored with their blair, and hence bush has to find another ally that he could find in sarkosy, the french elections are due next march. a new axis can be created to fight terrorism. where to find terrorism u ask? iraq is saturated, jordan is their bitch, egypt and syria are out of the question, but wait! there is a small country of indestructible little stupid warriors who get drifted into civil war every now and then; a small country that can be easily divided thanks to a magical potion called sectarianism! hurray the solution is there!!! they pose terrorism as a problem there, and they already did; lebanese politicians started using the term.
And tataaaaa happy republicans everywhere!
am tired...
but i think we can come up with more... spielberg needs a new subject for his next movie, hollywood producers leading the world... yes... yes... am on to something there...
sniff sniiff i can smell something weird... sniff sniff... the smell of stupidity...
when will people stop wasting their time and fight for their civic rights instead of the feodal politicians of ours? when will they wake up?
when i count to three i'll snap my fingers and u will wake up... 1... 2... 3...
21.11.06
another one bites the dust
this afternoon, pierre gemayel was killed in his car. he was shot by gunmen.
crazy.
it's all starting again. all over again.
what the hell.
this is tiring.
am back to surfing from one tv station to another to see who has sth more interesting to say.
no one does.
one would think that after 2 years of experience in monitoring local and international channels i would've finally understood that nothing is worth viewing.
i don't want to belittle the horrendous crime of lynching somebody in his car but when international TV stations and news media refer to pierre gemayel as a powerful prominent christian leader, do you think they are mistaking him with his grandfather? enno, eh min beit el gemayel, w eih christian, bass prominent w leader?
but this still does not undermine the seriousness and gravity of the act and its repercussions. it's completely fucked up.
the situation gets worse and worse.
it feels as if the politicians and all the actors of this political mascarade that has been going on for a bit less than 2 years now think the country can run on politics. what do they think fuels a country? the stupid presidential chair? or the political issues? people are dying slowly. lately everybody seemed bummed and hanging on a thread, in the bus, on the streets, in the waiting rooms, in the restaurants... everybody was trying to stay afloat. it's like in the end in titanic, with kate and leo: the one on the door barely stays alive and the one hanging to it dies.
we already had a lot of trouble waking up in the mornings, wondering why the hell we bothered. now what?
crazy.
it's all starting again. all over again.
what the hell.
this is tiring.
am back to surfing from one tv station to another to see who has sth more interesting to say.
no one does.
one would think that after 2 years of experience in monitoring local and international channels i would've finally understood that nothing is worth viewing.
i don't want to belittle the horrendous crime of lynching somebody in his car but when international TV stations and news media refer to pierre gemayel as a powerful prominent christian leader, do you think they are mistaking him with his grandfather? enno, eh min beit el gemayel, w eih christian, bass prominent w leader?
but this still does not undermine the seriousness and gravity of the act and its repercussions. it's completely fucked up.
the situation gets worse and worse.
it feels as if the politicians and all the actors of this political mascarade that has been going on for a bit less than 2 years now think the country can run on politics. what do they think fuels a country? the stupid presidential chair? or the political issues? people are dying slowly. lately everybody seemed bummed and hanging on a thread, in the bus, on the streets, in the waiting rooms, in the restaurants... everybody was trying to stay afloat. it's like in the end in titanic, with kate and leo: the one on the door barely stays alive and the one hanging to it dies.
we already had a lot of trouble waking up in the mornings, wondering why the hell we bothered. now what?
20.11.06
the will to want
first i'd like to take a moment and apologize to the readers of this blog, notably the people who take a moment to comment. i would like to appologize for i have added the security "insert the letters in the pic" option, and that is because i kept receiving ads and spam comments on the blog, and the lazy ass that i am hates having to clean up the blog.
so please do not get discouraged and turned off by it: please keep commenting...
am sounding a bit desperate here... coz i am...
———
i find myself often in the situation of wanting to want. and even more often looking for the will to want.
it is easy to ride through life without really attempting to do; but what about attempting to want? is dream, fantasy, ambition too much to ask for? too hard to find? or simply too difficult to achieve?
are we afraid to dream? are we afraid to think the impossible or wish for the unattainable?
i know from my own experience that i am definitely not afraid to dream, but i am afraid to want. is the expectation too much to handle? how do they do it—the wanters—how do they do it? how do they start? do they wake up one morning knowing what they want? or do they keep working at knowing what they want until they know what they want? and does what they want change with time and adapt to the feasible, and so they finally get to knowing what they want? or is it an unshakeable unalterable given that imposes itself?
i want to want. but i can't find the will to do so.
who wanna want me with me? coz am tired of wanting to want by myself. and maybe we could find in each of us the will to want.
———
yesterday i went out alone for the first time. and what i mean by went out alone, is that i went to sociales all by myself, with no plans of meeting someone there or someone meeting me there. it was ok, except for the feeling of being at a loss. what to do... i didn't mind sitting by myself, coz i often am by myself, but because i was in a state of being/going out, nothing was on my mind and nothing was cogitating up there, hence i couldnt entertain myself.
it's hard to go out by oneself. i always thought so. but now i know so.
hard. truly hard.
going out by oneself becoz one's life is hard, or one is pissed, or one needs time by oneself is extremely healthy, and should be experienced by everyone at least once. but to go out for the sole intention of going out (entertain oneself by having a drink, a bite, a chat) is very hard. coz then one is at the service of the people around him and their states of mind. one needs to adapt. becoz he/she went out in the first place becoz of lack of a state of mind (or at least the lack of an entertaining one), in search of entertainment.
the experience is definitely unlike the alone-at-the-movies experience, ma fi nisbeh... at the movies you are drowning in the dark omnibulated by the one image and the one sound that are immersing the whole space you are in. you are completely absorbed in the movie that u often forget that u r sharing the space.
but if u go out by yourself you r constantly reminded that u r by yourself and not with the others.
it is not a u vs. them situation. if it is, then u have deep issues. it is an exercice in one's social skills. and mine seem rusty.
so please do not get discouraged and turned off by it: please keep commenting...
am sounding a bit desperate here... coz i am...
———
i find myself often in the situation of wanting to want. and even more often looking for the will to want.
it is easy to ride through life without really attempting to do; but what about attempting to want? is dream, fantasy, ambition too much to ask for? too hard to find? or simply too difficult to achieve?
are we afraid to dream? are we afraid to think the impossible or wish for the unattainable?
i know from my own experience that i am definitely not afraid to dream, but i am afraid to want. is the expectation too much to handle? how do they do it—the wanters—how do they do it? how do they start? do they wake up one morning knowing what they want? or do they keep working at knowing what they want until they know what they want? and does what they want change with time and adapt to the feasible, and so they finally get to knowing what they want? or is it an unshakeable unalterable given that imposes itself?
i want to want. but i can't find the will to do so.
who wanna want me with me? coz am tired of wanting to want by myself. and maybe we could find in each of us the will to want.
———
yesterday i went out alone for the first time. and what i mean by went out alone, is that i went to sociales all by myself, with no plans of meeting someone there or someone meeting me there. it was ok, except for the feeling of being at a loss. what to do... i didn't mind sitting by myself, coz i often am by myself, but because i was in a state of being/going out, nothing was on my mind and nothing was cogitating up there, hence i couldnt entertain myself.
it's hard to go out by oneself. i always thought so. but now i know so.
hard. truly hard.
going out by oneself becoz one's life is hard, or one is pissed, or one needs time by oneself is extremely healthy, and should be experienced by everyone at least once. but to go out for the sole intention of going out (entertain oneself by having a drink, a bite, a chat) is very hard. coz then one is at the service of the people around him and their states of mind. one needs to adapt. becoz he/she went out in the first place becoz of lack of a state of mind (or at least the lack of an entertaining one), in search of entertainment.
the experience is definitely unlike the alone-at-the-movies experience, ma fi nisbeh... at the movies you are drowning in the dark omnibulated by the one image and the one sound that are immersing the whole space you are in. you are completely absorbed in the movie that u often forget that u r sharing the space.
but if u go out by yourself you r constantly reminded that u r by yourself and not with the others.
it is not a u vs. them situation. if it is, then u have deep issues. it is an exercice in one's social skills. and mine seem rusty.
15.11.06
it seems i really don't feel like working today. so i'll talk.
———
was reading hos' post and realised how hard it was for bloggers to find things to talk about. i think people outside the business the blogging business that is don't really appreciate the tough labor it is to write that perfect post. god knows i haven't reached a good one yet, but am plowing my way to it.
take for instance, my earlier post today. the one on dreamers. the subject has been buzzing thru my head for days now and when i came to write it, quite honestly, i don't think i actually made my point. i will come back to it again for sure. because the me-dreamer-not-doer part is a constant worry of mine. and i wanna dream and live the dream eventually, so... it will be back.
bored, on the other hand, has mastered the "visionettes" as hos would call them... the nazariyett... and his posts truly look effortless and never fail to crack us up.
so how does it work? should one look inside or outside for his/her inspiration?
———
on another note, we urge our london immigrant to double her efforts and start writing again.
———
was reading hos' post and realised how hard it was for bloggers to find things to talk about. i think people outside the business the blogging business that is don't really appreciate the tough labor it is to write that perfect post. god knows i haven't reached a good one yet, but am plowing my way to it.
take for instance, my earlier post today. the one on dreamers. the subject has been buzzing thru my head for days now and when i came to write it, quite honestly, i don't think i actually made my point. i will come back to it again for sure. because the me-dreamer-not-doer part is a constant worry of mine. and i wanna dream and live the dream eventually, so... it will be back.
bored, on the other hand, has mastered the "visionettes" as hos would call them... the nazariyett... and his posts truly look effortless and never fail to crack us up.
so how does it work? should one look inside or outside for his/her inspiration?
———
on another note, we urge our london immigrant to double her efforts and start writing again.
2 blogs in one day. there is a god after all...
wanted to announce the birth of 7izb el akrah.
details and opinions shared on the on boredom blog.
wanted to announce the birth of 7izb el akrah.
details and opinions shared on the on boredom blog.
the death of dreamers
i have always been more of a dreamer than a doer.
———
i have been often getting into conversations about my future plans lately. and i guess that a lot of you know how much i was hating my clients and the work i have been doing lately.
and so i have come up with the decision of reducing my design services and trying to invest in a new solo project, which details i won't get into now. as i usually have the habit of doing, i was discussing of the issue with friends. and these conversations always ended up by an unanswered question:
what if i didn't want to get ‘real’?
real in the sense of real life, what the market demands, how the market works, how clients function, how design is appreciated and what creativity means to common mortals. as opposed to me high and mighty elitist snotty divinity of nothing.
what if i am not willing to move that little ugly drawing a bit to the right, or make the logo a bit bigger or change the font to times new roman? or be ‘creative’?
i found myself professing outloud the refusal to reduce myself into a design slave. no more will i succomb to financial pressures and accept rotten projects with rotten clients.
can't i do what the client wants, take the money and turn my back? no. i can't. and no, i don't want to. each time i try convincing myself doing that, i feel like a little kid getting forced into doing sth he doesn't want. i get a headache, can't sleep well, become very aggressive, and plainly just hate. and then why should i? that's like prostituting oneself. is this how u like it? yeah? u like it like that? yeah?...
my job provides rhinoplasty to cleopatra. cleopatra does not need a new nose, she has a perfectly beautiful flawless nose. and what does the new nose serve? nothing, it only serves itself. its existence as a done nose is its reason of existence.
i guess it's too much to ask for. each and every person i talked to had the look or the tone in the voice that clearly said: grow up zooz! wein 3eysheh?! el deneh ma hek bteshteghel... hejik te7lameh.
dreams and dreamers have no place on earth.
why has it come to a time where dreams have no place? why has it come to a time to comply to certain models and not be able to grow beyond them? or even avoid them?
leh, khayyeh? leh? hunh? leh?
———
i have been often getting into conversations about my future plans lately. and i guess that a lot of you know how much i was hating my clients and the work i have been doing lately.
and so i have come up with the decision of reducing my design services and trying to invest in a new solo project, which details i won't get into now. as i usually have the habit of doing, i was discussing of the issue with friends. and these conversations always ended up by an unanswered question:
what if i didn't want to get ‘real’?
real in the sense of real life, what the market demands, how the market works, how clients function, how design is appreciated and what creativity means to common mortals. as opposed to me high and mighty elitist snotty divinity of nothing.
what if i am not willing to move that little ugly drawing a bit to the right, or make the logo a bit bigger or change the font to times new roman? or be ‘creative’?
i found myself professing outloud the refusal to reduce myself into a design slave. no more will i succomb to financial pressures and accept rotten projects with rotten clients.
can't i do what the client wants, take the money and turn my back? no. i can't. and no, i don't want to. each time i try convincing myself doing that, i feel like a little kid getting forced into doing sth he doesn't want. i get a headache, can't sleep well, become very aggressive, and plainly just hate. and then why should i? that's like prostituting oneself. is this how u like it? yeah? u like it like that? yeah?...
my job provides rhinoplasty to cleopatra. cleopatra does not need a new nose, she has a perfectly beautiful flawless nose. and what does the new nose serve? nothing, it only serves itself. its existence as a done nose is its reason of existence.
i guess it's too much to ask for. each and every person i talked to had the look or the tone in the voice that clearly said: grow up zooz! wein 3eysheh?! el deneh ma hek bteshteghel... hejik te7lameh.
dreams and dreamers have no place on earth.
why has it come to a time where dreams have no place? why has it come to a time to comply to certain models and not be able to grow beyond them? or even avoid them?
leh, khayyeh? leh? hunh? leh?
25.10.06
Beirut in the month of october
It's been so long since my last post. don't worry people, am not dead. it's just the corporate real life taking its toll again.
so much has happened.
———
My bro and sis are back! woohooooo! for a visit of course... God is not as generous as some monotheistic religions try to convince us poor souls.
———
Nina and Khello will be tying the knot this december in ghana! woohoo! africa here i come!!!!!
khatib w khatibeh will become jawz w jawzeh; but for practical reasons they shall remain referred to as khatib w khatibeh.
preuve à l'appui
———
ola chica got hitched too. so funny. all the girlies are tying the knot. hahhhayz!
———
matthü is on the billboards in beirut!
———
brilliant marketing strategy. talks straight to the consumer in his/her own language. tawash
abou rakhoussa.
———
———
ghayro.
work sucks.
in case noone noticed previously.
work sucks.
clients suck.
jobs suck.
and design sucks.
design is slavery.
slavery was abolished in 1926 (Slavery Convention, initiated by the League of Nations).
design should be abolished any moment now.
we'll hear about in the news.
i heard the UN created UNICADP, the united nations' international committee for the abolishment of design practices. the committee appointed in every country an investigator to inquire about design sweat shops that have opened fully legally and that undertake the suction of ideas by the means of massive nuclear brainstorming sessions. it turns out everybody knows about it, but it's very hush hush. the big corporation firms have brainwashed their employees into thinking staying for unpaid overtime is cool. stress and frustration is cool too, apparently. these decisions have been vastly welcomed by the tobacco industry and more importantly the alcohol industry. ever since the creation of these sweat shops their sales have increased, and they are definitely back in business.
wishful thinking
did i mention work sucks?
yeah...
tebb enough blabbering. am going back to the sweat shop.
i hate design.
i hate graphic design. it's time and brain consuming and completely useless.
not to mention, often unpaid.
clients suck.
clients should die. not in the litteral sense, of course. "clientness" should die—the state of being a client. that, should die.
i hate.
been hating for a while now.
but i really really hate.
hate.
h.a.t.e.
hate.
so much has happened.
———
My bro and sis are back! woohooooo! for a visit of course... God is not as generous as some monotheistic religions try to convince us poor souls.
———
Nina and Khello will be tying the knot this december in ghana! woohoo! africa here i come!!!!!
khatib w khatibeh will become jawz w jawzeh; but for practical reasons they shall remain referred to as khatib w khatibeh.
preuve à l'appui
———
ola chica got hitched too. so funny. all the girlies are tying the knot. hahhhayz!
———
matthü is on the billboards in beirut!
———
brilliant marketing strategy. talks straight to the consumer in his/her own language. tawash
abou rakhoussa.
———
———
ghayro.
work sucks.
in case noone noticed previously.
work sucks.
clients suck.
jobs suck.
and design sucks.
design is slavery.
slavery was abolished in 1926 (Slavery Convention, initiated by the League of Nations).
design should be abolished any moment now.
we'll hear about in the news.
i heard the UN created UNICADP, the united nations' international committee for the abolishment of design practices. the committee appointed in every country an investigator to inquire about design sweat shops that have opened fully legally and that undertake the suction of ideas by the means of massive nuclear brainstorming sessions. it turns out everybody knows about it, but it's very hush hush. the big corporation firms have brainwashed their employees into thinking staying for unpaid overtime is cool. stress and frustration is cool too, apparently. these decisions have been vastly welcomed by the tobacco industry and more importantly the alcohol industry. ever since the creation of these sweat shops their sales have increased, and they are definitely back in business.
wishful thinking
did i mention work sucks?
yeah...
tebb enough blabbering. am going back to the sweat shop.
i hate design.
i hate graphic design. it's time and brain consuming and completely useless.
not to mention, often unpaid.
clients suck.
clients should die. not in the litteral sense, of course. "clientness" should die—the state of being a client. that, should die.
i hate.
been hating for a while now.
but i really really hate.
hate.
h.a.t.e.
hate.
30.9.06
Beirut on September 30, 2006
Today rudz left for bahrain.
i'm gonna miss that obnoxious loveable brother of mine. but he'll visit soon, and i will try to visit him too. but i still hate it. who's gonna feed me his toes every now and then? who? maybe i can pay someone... haha...
yalla, mitl ma wade3it le2eh ya rabb.
w la3allahoo khayrann.
w allah ywaf2o.
w hoowwa el adar.
shoo fina na3mil.
ba7oobbak radroud. bit7ibbini aah?
———
the screening went very well. our animation was well received. i'll youtube it soon and post the link. it felt good, instant gratification. it made this horrendous week more bearable. i've been swimming or should i say drowning in a badly remunerated and super rushed job. story of my life. i sometimes wonder if i'm made for design services; i should go ifta7 a dekkaneh and live more peacefully. clients are unbearable, no matter how sweet, funny and understanding; a designer cannot but end up hating his client. or maybe that's just me. i think it's a psychological block i have; i cannot be told what to do. ever since i was a kid. maybe that's why it's a bad career choice; i'm not psychologically predisposed to slave for other people. but that leaves me with very few career options... plus to add to the refusal of slaving i have an unconscious need to be liked; or at least to please people around me. i don't mind being hated, but when i do my job i keep worrying how the work reflects on me, not personnally, but the designer.
i have very deep issues that need professional help.
———
akh ya rud...
ntebih 3a 7alak khayyo. show them what u r made of.
missage and loveage.
i'm gonna miss that obnoxious loveable brother of mine. but he'll visit soon, and i will try to visit him too. but i still hate it. who's gonna feed me his toes every now and then? who? maybe i can pay someone... haha...
yalla, mitl ma wade3it le2eh ya rabb.
w la3allahoo khayrann.
w allah ywaf2o.
w hoowwa el adar.
shoo fina na3mil.
ba7oobbak radroud. bit7ibbini aah?
———
the screening went very well. our animation was well received. i'll youtube it soon and post the link. it felt good, instant gratification. it made this horrendous week more bearable. i've been swimming or should i say drowning in a badly remunerated and super rushed job. story of my life. i sometimes wonder if i'm made for design services; i should go ifta7 a dekkaneh and live more peacefully. clients are unbearable, no matter how sweet, funny and understanding; a designer cannot but end up hating his client. or maybe that's just me. i think it's a psychological block i have; i cannot be told what to do. ever since i was a kid. maybe that's why it's a bad career choice; i'm not psychologically predisposed to slave for other people. but that leaves me with very few career options... plus to add to the refusal of slaving i have an unconscious need to be liked; or at least to please people around me. i don't mind being hated, but when i do my job i keep worrying how the work reflects on me, not personnally, but the designer.
i have very deep issues that need professional help.
———
akh ya rud...
ntebih 3a 7alak khayyo. show them what u r made of.
missage and loveage.
25.9.06
"Lawein" in Namleh At3a
it brings me tremendous pleasure to announce that our long awaited yeah, right... animation will be screened during the 1st Namleh At3a event entitled "Shoot the War".
The event will take place this wednesday in Masra7 Al Madina, Hamra at 8.15 pm
21.9.06
Beirut on September 21, 2006
corporate money-making life has taken its toll. i have no time for myself, for special interests and no time for pondering. i have been bombarded by things to do and matters to finish. i am tired. my mind is numb and i cannot create. i cannot think. i cannot cook. cook rice, zoozoo! alfie would say. but zoozoo no can cook, i would reply. and now i am deafened by some cheap aouny song. every 2 days one of those bastard parties of ours has to bore us with their speeches, deafen us with their cheap music and overly nationalistic songs. ideology should die.
———
am back to my studio. hurray. no longer a mhajjara. i like it. is calmer than it used to be, except for the odd aouny song (aounism has chosen an orange house next to sussssussudio). i discovered that rami, our beloved dekanjeh, has not left the building! he chose to rent the dekkaneh next to his previous one, coz it's more comfortable. so rami did not leave. that's a plus.
today i came to the studio, and found meemee sick in the bed. poor meemee she's been sick for some time. i offered to nurse her, but she refused like the independent girl she is.
i have a new fan. it looks akwardly new and hip for our old mostly-inherited and fourth-hand furniture. but it does its job beautifully. i should come up with a name for it. i welcome suggestions with open arms.
———
i have been going to ayyam beirut al sinama'iyah. some cool shit i've seen. i love these events. eeeevents. tghyeer jaww...
i worry about the screening of our animation. i'm increasingly getting convinced that it needed more work... damn... only thinking about it makes my head wanna blow... don't blow, head, i need u! i need u! i need uuuu! aargh!
———
am back to my studio. hurray. no longer a mhajjara. i like it. is calmer than it used to be, except for the odd aouny song (aounism has chosen an orange house next to sussssussudio). i discovered that rami, our beloved dekanjeh, has not left the building! he chose to rent the dekkaneh next to his previous one, coz it's more comfortable. so rami did not leave. that's a plus.
today i came to the studio, and found meemee sick in the bed. poor meemee she's been sick for some time. i offered to nurse her, but she refused like the independent girl she is.
i have a new fan. it looks akwardly new and hip for our old mostly-inherited and fourth-hand furniture. but it does its job beautifully. i should come up with a name for it. i welcome suggestions with open arms.
———
i have been going to ayyam beirut al sinama'iyah. some cool shit i've seen. i love these events. eeeevents. tghyeer jaww...
i worry about the screening of our animation. i'm increasingly getting convinced that it needed more work... damn... only thinking about it makes my head wanna blow... don't blow, head, i need u! i need u! i need uuuu! aargh!
12.9.06
Beirut on September 12, 2006
6 days since my last post, and i c that gardenia and god attracted a lot of fervent comments.
———
i would like to announce the adoption of Jurdenia. Chica, being the awesome friend that she is, decided to buy me a gardenia plant to make up for Gardenia. she bought it from the jurd, hence the name jurdenia. i felt bad for gardenia, i did not want it to think i was replacing her by new and preppy jurdenia; in that sense too, gardenia has an edge on jurdenia— gardenia is from the bourgeoisie and jurdenia, as her name connotes, is from the jurd al 3aleh and hence is a common peasant. see even in botanics, high society and bourgeois attitudes have their ways.
and so i adopted jurdenia on saturday 9th in sofar. left it on sunday, coz i had lunch in fallougha and sent it to beirut with chica as guardian, who failed miserably at guardianship as she left jurdenia at abou naji's. yes abou naji's; don't ask why, i didn't. if it wasn't for hannad, i don't think poor jurdenia would've left abou naji's. and now poor jurdenia awaits my pick up at the sinnos. i guess this little marathon is gonna make gardenia even more jealous, since it hasn't left the sussussudio's balcony since i put it there i dunno when; i need to find a way to make it up to her...
———
Chica and a3war left today.
fe came in on sunday.
we are finalizing our animation. we finished the music yesterday. and today we gonna wrap it up.
———
yesterday had my first steak sandwich from celtic since the end of the war. yumyum.
———
Chica's gifts did not stop at jurdenia, as she delivered me the long-awaited Thom Yorke. i love it. it's awesome. anyone who says any different is lying or he/she loves it and doesn't know it.
and fe... fe got me a radiohead tshirt, and sin city playing cards (although i never play cards), and a history of violence comic book... and he delivered me the stuff i bought from amazon and sent to his place a zillion year ago.
all and all i guess i received plenty of gifts these few days. i might even go out on a limb and say that it felt like my long-lost bday...
———
throbbing headache these last two days. god knows why.
———
today the US embassy in syria got ‘attacked’. what's happening?
what's happening in the south? what's happening in da7yeh? we don't hear anything anymore. as if nothing had happened... i extort some news and khabryett from a friend of mine who's working on the ground in 3ayta el sha3eb. it seems to be a bit messy when it comes to the help and compensations that we hear about...
the beaches are still a mess...
goddamn all of them. and blair even had the nerve to come to beirut to claim he supports beirut's reconstruction. fuck you and ur support, we still did not forget when it was that u felt ‘it was time for a ceasefire’. fuck you.
———
i would like to announce the adoption of Jurdenia. Chica, being the awesome friend that she is, decided to buy me a gardenia plant to make up for Gardenia. she bought it from the jurd, hence the name jurdenia. i felt bad for gardenia, i did not want it to think i was replacing her by new and preppy jurdenia; in that sense too, gardenia has an edge on jurdenia— gardenia is from the bourgeoisie and jurdenia, as her name connotes, is from the jurd al 3aleh and hence is a common peasant. see even in botanics, high society and bourgeois attitudes have their ways.
and so i adopted jurdenia on saturday 9th in sofar. left it on sunday, coz i had lunch in fallougha and sent it to beirut with chica as guardian, who failed miserably at guardianship as she left jurdenia at abou naji's. yes abou naji's; don't ask why, i didn't. if it wasn't for hannad, i don't think poor jurdenia would've left abou naji's. and now poor jurdenia awaits my pick up at the sinnos. i guess this little marathon is gonna make gardenia even more jealous, since it hasn't left the sussussudio's balcony since i put it there i dunno when; i need to find a way to make it up to her...
———
Chica and a3war left today.
fe came in on sunday.
we are finalizing our animation. we finished the music yesterday. and today we gonna wrap it up.
———
yesterday had my first steak sandwich from celtic since the end of the war. yumyum.
———
Chica's gifts did not stop at jurdenia, as she delivered me the long-awaited Thom Yorke. i love it. it's awesome. anyone who says any different is lying or he/she loves it and doesn't know it.
and fe... fe got me a radiohead tshirt, and sin city playing cards (although i never play cards), and a history of violence comic book... and he delivered me the stuff i bought from amazon and sent to his place a zillion year ago.
all and all i guess i received plenty of gifts these few days. i might even go out on a limb and say that it felt like my long-lost bday...
———
throbbing headache these last two days. god knows why.
———
today the US embassy in syria got ‘attacked’. what's happening?
what's happening in the south? what's happening in da7yeh? we don't hear anything anymore. as if nothing had happened... i extort some news and khabryett from a friend of mine who's working on the ground in 3ayta el sha3eb. it seems to be a bit messy when it comes to the help and compensations that we hear about...
the beaches are still a mess...
goddamn all of them. and blair even had the nerve to come to beirut to claim he supports beirut's reconstruction. fuck you and ur support, we still did not forget when it was that u felt ‘it was time for a ceasefire’. fuck you.
6.9.06
Death of Gardenia
Gardenia is dying.
see the proof for urselves.
who would believe this is how Gardenia looked not so long ago.
am so sad. is so dead. that first pic was taken after i shedded all its leaves. they were all brown and dead.
gardenia is dying.
i cut all the little branches, and they were all dry. no green stuff inside. i kept cutting shorter and shorter until i saw green. it was a little. not much.
israelis killed gardenia.
today was also sad. i spent some time in the studio. after the desolating gardenia incident, i decided to go to the fridge, see what's inside. i was hoping for some cold beverage. no beer, but one crush. i took the crush and decided to go out on my big balcony and let myself swing on our hammock we all love that hammock, bello put it up for us. he's a sweetheart bello. ‘u're a doll, bello!’ it is then that i noticed the most horrendous heartbreaking truth of the day: Rami, the dekkanjeh, had left. his dekkane was empty. there was nothing in it, not a teeny tiny thing, not a left over chips bag, not a piece of paper laying around, not an empty bottle of water. nothing. clean as clean can be. well there was a bit of dust on the glass, but clean. it made me sad. rami was gone. of course i wondered who'll pay our bills when we're not home, but that aint it. he's gone. the situation was so bad for him that he had to close down his shop. he seemed as a darwish 2edameh guy, we all loved him. what was he doing now. i hope he's doing fine.
goddamn that war.
to the last shitty news of the day. my lil' cousin's back in the hospital. again. he's got some weird rash on his face and his face is all swollen up because of his tooth's infection.
poor burreem, goddamn u god. yes u damn urself, god. u do that.
u know what if god really exists, i think god is a hater. he just hates. there's no love. there's only hate.
see the proof for urselves.
who would believe this is how Gardenia looked not so long ago.
am so sad. is so dead. that first pic was taken after i shedded all its leaves. they were all brown and dead.
gardenia is dying.
i cut all the little branches, and they were all dry. no green stuff inside. i kept cutting shorter and shorter until i saw green. it was a little. not much.
israelis killed gardenia.
today was also sad. i spent some time in the studio. after the desolating gardenia incident, i decided to go to the fridge, see what's inside. i was hoping for some cold beverage. no beer, but one crush. i took the crush and decided to go out on my big balcony and let myself swing on our hammock we all love that hammock, bello put it up for us. he's a sweetheart bello. ‘u're a doll, bello!’ it is then that i noticed the most horrendous heartbreaking truth of the day: Rami, the dekkanjeh, had left. his dekkane was empty. there was nothing in it, not a teeny tiny thing, not a left over chips bag, not a piece of paper laying around, not an empty bottle of water. nothing. clean as clean can be. well there was a bit of dust on the glass, but clean. it made me sad. rami was gone. of course i wondered who'll pay our bills when we're not home, but that aint it. he's gone. the situation was so bad for him that he had to close down his shop. he seemed as a darwish 2edameh guy, we all loved him. what was he doing now. i hope he's doing fine.
goddamn that war.
to the last shitty news of the day. my lil' cousin's back in the hospital. again. he's got some weird rash on his face and his face is all swollen up because of his tooth's infection.
poor burreem, goddamn u god. yes u damn urself, god. u do that.
u know what if god really exists, i think god is a hater. he just hates. there's no love. there's only hate.
4.9.06
Beirut on September 4, 2006
Beirut sunday 3rd of september 2006.
———
It has been sometime since i wrote. i've been so busy. there's the work, the animation and most importantly, the visiting friends. Hos was here and so is a3war. been going out every night. am tired of it. this last week's outings showed to be more crowded than the former week. there was more people and the balance monot/gemmayze/downtown has been restored. saturday night was jammed again in monot and in downtown, while it was ‘busy’ in gemmayze, there was no crazy traffic there, like the past week.
can't help but wonder if beirut is sliding back comfortably to its past self?
———
i've been seeing again the planes landing and taking off from my room. the now-not-so-comforting hum of their engines and my own favorite little twinkling lights fill the skies over beirut. planes... they used to represent to me freedom, discovery and excitement... and now they seem a bit deceiving, they're scared animals running away from the hunter. i heard qatar airways is going to force its landing in Beirut and challenge the embargo. it seems dangerous. although i highly encourage the idea theoratically, i can't help worrying about the most probably unknowing travellers sitting comfortably in their seats. man, would they be surprised if they saw, from their little portholes, the israeli air force forcing them out. force forcing seems awfully appropriate
———
i think people who have not seen the parliament's sit-in have missed a lot. it was like an uptight version of camp. the members of parliament went in with their bags wearing their suits, and u could see them sitting casually on the mattresses before preparing to their rightfully entitled nap.
i wonder whether they scared each other at night by telling scary stories of the israelis invading us and destroying our cities and 90% of our south over a nice bonfire while grilling their marshmallows.
———
It has been sometime since i wrote. i've been so busy. there's the work, the animation and most importantly, the visiting friends. Hos was here and so is a3war. been going out every night. am tired of it. this last week's outings showed to be more crowded than the former week. there was more people and the balance monot/gemmayze/downtown has been restored. saturday night was jammed again in monot and in downtown, while it was ‘busy’ in gemmayze, there was no crazy traffic there, like the past week.
can't help but wonder if beirut is sliding back comfortably to its past self?
———
i've been seeing again the planes landing and taking off from my room. the now-not-so-comforting hum of their engines and my own favorite little twinkling lights fill the skies over beirut. planes... they used to represent to me freedom, discovery and excitement... and now they seem a bit deceiving, they're scared animals running away from the hunter. i heard qatar airways is going to force its landing in Beirut and challenge the embargo. it seems dangerous. although i highly encourage the idea theoratically, i can't help worrying about the most probably unknowing travellers sitting comfortably in their seats. man, would they be surprised if they saw, from their little portholes, the israeli air force forcing them out. force forcing seems awfully appropriate
———
i think people who have not seen the parliament's sit-in have missed a lot. it was like an uptight version of camp. the members of parliament went in with their bags wearing their suits, and u could see them sitting casually on the mattresses before preparing to their rightfully entitled nap.
i wonder whether they scared each other at night by telling scary stories of the israelis invading us and destroying our cities and 90% of our south over a nice bonfire while grilling their marshmallows.
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