today i hate.
am hating.
and there's nothing anyone can do to make me un-hate.
i hate the situation we r being driven into.
i hate some of the people around me.
i hate the lying underhanded two-timing assholes.
i also hate the world, tom cruise, cats, the cold, loubieh w rizz!
AKRAH!
30.11.06
22.11.06
conspiracy theories
i've been reading all morning some blogs i've come to know during the july war. they are brilliant at analyzing current events. it is sad to read people commenting and trying to solve the issue. who did what, who is truly gaining profit of the assassination...
when people go into trying to discover hidden reasons, under-the-table behind-closed-doors deals, conspiracy theories; do they not know that they are serving the perpetrators. a voyage into the dark world of conspiracy theories—audience discretion is advised against absurdity.
theory 1—the most obvious
the syrians killed Gemayel as to weaken and threaten the health of the current government
theory 2—the less obvious, conspiracy theory at a first level, a counter argument to 1
the current government kills Gemayel, trying to frame the opposition.
they do it to give legitimacy to their government, to the brammertz commission and to put the opposition in a tough spot—especially when the opposition was preparing to go to the streets.
this argument is easy, la preuve, suleiman frangié proposed it.
theory 3—the even less obvious, conspiracy theory at a 2nd level, a counter argument to 2
the opposition kills gemayel, trying to frame the government.
this strategy relies on the conspiracy theorists of the first level who will ensure the propagation of argument 2, which is the main idea the opposition wants to spread. the opposition gains support of skepticals who would've been able to foresee argument 2; and hence gives legitimacy to its claims of underachievement and illegitimacy of the current ministerial corps.
this argument is a bit forcé; but current governement supporters need to fight fire with fire.
theory 4—the not so obvious, conspiracy theory at a 3rd level, a counter argument to all other theories
the 3rd current lebanese movement—the one thats not the new opposition nor the new government—kills Gemayel, trying to divide the 2 more powerful clans.
the alternative movement is trying to weaken the 2 other clans, hoping some sparks will be able to ignite further tensions between the two, in the hopes of presenting itself as an impartial transparent replacement for both clans.
a desperate attempt to enter the more serious political scene you say? well yes... but here the question rises: are they the perpetrators of only this murder or the whole bunch of them eversince the attempt on hamade?!? the plot thickens my friends... that 3rd alternative movement is indeed made of has-been politicians... wahahahaahHHAHA, i burst in laughter as i am striking the thick white hair of my persian cat
this argument offers a wholistic explanation of our recent history in murders and power struggles.
theory 5—the not obvious at all, conspiracy theory at a 4th level, no theory even compares
el ossa akbar menna! el moo2amara kbireh! the americans killed gemayel.
george w bush, afraid of the rising democrats and afraid losing his position, with and through the israelis, drowns the country in this chaotic state hoping for another war, in which he can squeeze himself to guarantee a re-election— if not for himself for the republicans; the don't change horses in mid-stream strategy. he needs an axis to fight something (everybody needs an axis): the brits are bored with their blair, and hence bush has to find another ally that he could find in sarkosy, the french elections are due next march. a new axis can be created to fight terrorism. where to find terrorism u ask? iraq is saturated, jordan is their bitch, egypt and syria are out of the question, but wait! there is a small country of indestructible little stupid warriors who get drifted into civil war every now and then; a small country that can be easily divided thanks to a magical potion called sectarianism! hurray the solution is there!!! they pose terrorism as a problem there, and they already did; lebanese politicians started using the term.
And tataaaaa happy republicans everywhere!
am tired...
but i think we can come up with more... spielberg needs a new subject for his next movie, hollywood producers leading the world... yes... yes... am on to something there...
sniff sniiff i can smell something weird... sniff sniff... the smell of stupidity...
when will people stop wasting their time and fight for their civic rights instead of the feodal politicians of ours? when will they wake up?
when i count to three i'll snap my fingers and u will wake up... 1... 2... 3...
when people go into trying to discover hidden reasons, under-the-table behind-closed-doors deals, conspiracy theories; do they not know that they are serving the perpetrators. a voyage into the dark world of conspiracy theories—audience discretion is advised against absurdity.
theory 1—the most obvious
the syrians killed Gemayel as to weaken and threaten the health of the current government
theory 2—the less obvious, conspiracy theory at a first level, a counter argument to 1
the current government kills Gemayel, trying to frame the opposition.
they do it to give legitimacy to their government, to the brammertz commission and to put the opposition in a tough spot—especially when the opposition was preparing to go to the streets.
this argument is easy, la preuve, suleiman frangié proposed it.
theory 3—the even less obvious, conspiracy theory at a 2nd level, a counter argument to 2
the opposition kills gemayel, trying to frame the government.
this strategy relies on the conspiracy theorists of the first level who will ensure the propagation of argument 2, which is the main idea the opposition wants to spread. the opposition gains support of skepticals who would've been able to foresee argument 2; and hence gives legitimacy to its claims of underachievement and illegitimacy of the current ministerial corps.
this argument is a bit forcé; but current governement supporters need to fight fire with fire.
theory 4—the not so obvious, conspiracy theory at a 3rd level, a counter argument to all other theories
the 3rd current lebanese movement—the one thats not the new opposition nor the new government—kills Gemayel, trying to divide the 2 more powerful clans.
the alternative movement is trying to weaken the 2 other clans, hoping some sparks will be able to ignite further tensions between the two, in the hopes of presenting itself as an impartial transparent replacement for both clans.
a desperate attempt to enter the more serious political scene you say? well yes... but here the question rises: are they the perpetrators of only this murder or the whole bunch of them eversince the attempt on hamade?!? the plot thickens my friends... that 3rd alternative movement is indeed made of has-been politicians... wahahahaahHHAHA, i burst in laughter as i am striking the thick white hair of my persian cat
this argument offers a wholistic explanation of our recent history in murders and power struggles.
theory 5—the not obvious at all, conspiracy theory at a 4th level, no theory even compares
el ossa akbar menna! el moo2amara kbireh! the americans killed gemayel.
george w bush, afraid of the rising democrats and afraid losing his position, with and through the israelis, drowns the country in this chaotic state hoping for another war, in which he can squeeze himself to guarantee a re-election— if not for himself for the republicans; the don't change horses in mid-stream strategy. he needs an axis to fight something (everybody needs an axis): the brits are bored with their blair, and hence bush has to find another ally that he could find in sarkosy, the french elections are due next march. a new axis can be created to fight terrorism. where to find terrorism u ask? iraq is saturated, jordan is their bitch, egypt and syria are out of the question, but wait! there is a small country of indestructible little stupid warriors who get drifted into civil war every now and then; a small country that can be easily divided thanks to a magical potion called sectarianism! hurray the solution is there!!! they pose terrorism as a problem there, and they already did; lebanese politicians started using the term.
And tataaaaa happy republicans everywhere!
am tired...
but i think we can come up with more... spielberg needs a new subject for his next movie, hollywood producers leading the world... yes... yes... am on to something there...
sniff sniiff i can smell something weird... sniff sniff... the smell of stupidity...
when will people stop wasting their time and fight for their civic rights instead of the feodal politicians of ours? when will they wake up?
when i count to three i'll snap my fingers and u will wake up... 1... 2... 3...
21.11.06
another one bites the dust
this afternoon, pierre gemayel was killed in his car. he was shot by gunmen.
crazy.
it's all starting again. all over again.
what the hell.
this is tiring.
am back to surfing from one tv station to another to see who has sth more interesting to say.
no one does.
one would think that after 2 years of experience in monitoring local and international channels i would've finally understood that nothing is worth viewing.
i don't want to belittle the horrendous crime of lynching somebody in his car but when international TV stations and news media refer to pierre gemayel as a powerful prominent christian leader, do you think they are mistaking him with his grandfather? enno, eh min beit el gemayel, w eih christian, bass prominent w leader?
but this still does not undermine the seriousness and gravity of the act and its repercussions. it's completely fucked up.
the situation gets worse and worse.
it feels as if the politicians and all the actors of this political mascarade that has been going on for a bit less than 2 years now think the country can run on politics. what do they think fuels a country? the stupid presidential chair? or the political issues? people are dying slowly. lately everybody seemed bummed and hanging on a thread, in the bus, on the streets, in the waiting rooms, in the restaurants... everybody was trying to stay afloat. it's like in the end in titanic, with kate and leo: the one on the door barely stays alive and the one hanging to it dies.
we already had a lot of trouble waking up in the mornings, wondering why the hell we bothered. now what?
crazy.
it's all starting again. all over again.
what the hell.
this is tiring.
am back to surfing from one tv station to another to see who has sth more interesting to say.
no one does.
one would think that after 2 years of experience in monitoring local and international channels i would've finally understood that nothing is worth viewing.
i don't want to belittle the horrendous crime of lynching somebody in his car but when international TV stations and news media refer to pierre gemayel as a powerful prominent christian leader, do you think they are mistaking him with his grandfather? enno, eh min beit el gemayel, w eih christian, bass prominent w leader?
but this still does not undermine the seriousness and gravity of the act and its repercussions. it's completely fucked up.
the situation gets worse and worse.
it feels as if the politicians and all the actors of this political mascarade that has been going on for a bit less than 2 years now think the country can run on politics. what do they think fuels a country? the stupid presidential chair? or the political issues? people are dying slowly. lately everybody seemed bummed and hanging on a thread, in the bus, on the streets, in the waiting rooms, in the restaurants... everybody was trying to stay afloat. it's like in the end in titanic, with kate and leo: the one on the door barely stays alive and the one hanging to it dies.
we already had a lot of trouble waking up in the mornings, wondering why the hell we bothered. now what?
20.11.06
the will to want
first i'd like to take a moment and apologize to the readers of this blog, notably the people who take a moment to comment. i would like to appologize for i have added the security "insert the letters in the pic" option, and that is because i kept receiving ads and spam comments on the blog, and the lazy ass that i am hates having to clean up the blog.
so please do not get discouraged and turned off by it: please keep commenting...
am sounding a bit desperate here... coz i am...
———
i find myself often in the situation of wanting to want. and even more often looking for the will to want.
it is easy to ride through life without really attempting to do; but what about attempting to want? is dream, fantasy, ambition too much to ask for? too hard to find? or simply too difficult to achieve?
are we afraid to dream? are we afraid to think the impossible or wish for the unattainable?
i know from my own experience that i am definitely not afraid to dream, but i am afraid to want. is the expectation too much to handle? how do they do it—the wanters—how do they do it? how do they start? do they wake up one morning knowing what they want? or do they keep working at knowing what they want until they know what they want? and does what they want change with time and adapt to the feasible, and so they finally get to knowing what they want? or is it an unshakeable unalterable given that imposes itself?
i want to want. but i can't find the will to do so.
who wanna want me with me? coz am tired of wanting to want by myself. and maybe we could find in each of us the will to want.
———
yesterday i went out alone for the first time. and what i mean by went out alone, is that i went to sociales all by myself, with no plans of meeting someone there or someone meeting me there. it was ok, except for the feeling of being at a loss. what to do... i didn't mind sitting by myself, coz i often am by myself, but because i was in a state of being/going out, nothing was on my mind and nothing was cogitating up there, hence i couldnt entertain myself.
it's hard to go out by oneself. i always thought so. but now i know so.
hard. truly hard.
going out by oneself becoz one's life is hard, or one is pissed, or one needs time by oneself is extremely healthy, and should be experienced by everyone at least once. but to go out for the sole intention of going out (entertain oneself by having a drink, a bite, a chat) is very hard. coz then one is at the service of the people around him and their states of mind. one needs to adapt. becoz he/she went out in the first place becoz of lack of a state of mind (or at least the lack of an entertaining one), in search of entertainment.
the experience is definitely unlike the alone-at-the-movies experience, ma fi nisbeh... at the movies you are drowning in the dark omnibulated by the one image and the one sound that are immersing the whole space you are in. you are completely absorbed in the movie that u often forget that u r sharing the space.
but if u go out by yourself you r constantly reminded that u r by yourself and not with the others.
it is not a u vs. them situation. if it is, then u have deep issues. it is an exercice in one's social skills. and mine seem rusty.
so please do not get discouraged and turned off by it: please keep commenting...
am sounding a bit desperate here... coz i am...
———
i find myself often in the situation of wanting to want. and even more often looking for the will to want.
it is easy to ride through life without really attempting to do; but what about attempting to want? is dream, fantasy, ambition too much to ask for? too hard to find? or simply too difficult to achieve?
are we afraid to dream? are we afraid to think the impossible or wish for the unattainable?
i know from my own experience that i am definitely not afraid to dream, but i am afraid to want. is the expectation too much to handle? how do they do it—the wanters—how do they do it? how do they start? do they wake up one morning knowing what they want? or do they keep working at knowing what they want until they know what they want? and does what they want change with time and adapt to the feasible, and so they finally get to knowing what they want? or is it an unshakeable unalterable given that imposes itself?
i want to want. but i can't find the will to do so.
who wanna want me with me? coz am tired of wanting to want by myself. and maybe we could find in each of us the will to want.
———
yesterday i went out alone for the first time. and what i mean by went out alone, is that i went to sociales all by myself, with no plans of meeting someone there or someone meeting me there. it was ok, except for the feeling of being at a loss. what to do... i didn't mind sitting by myself, coz i often am by myself, but because i was in a state of being/going out, nothing was on my mind and nothing was cogitating up there, hence i couldnt entertain myself.
it's hard to go out by oneself. i always thought so. but now i know so.
hard. truly hard.
going out by oneself becoz one's life is hard, or one is pissed, or one needs time by oneself is extremely healthy, and should be experienced by everyone at least once. but to go out for the sole intention of going out (entertain oneself by having a drink, a bite, a chat) is very hard. coz then one is at the service of the people around him and their states of mind. one needs to adapt. becoz he/she went out in the first place becoz of lack of a state of mind (or at least the lack of an entertaining one), in search of entertainment.
the experience is definitely unlike the alone-at-the-movies experience, ma fi nisbeh... at the movies you are drowning in the dark omnibulated by the one image and the one sound that are immersing the whole space you are in. you are completely absorbed in the movie that u often forget that u r sharing the space.
but if u go out by yourself you r constantly reminded that u r by yourself and not with the others.
it is not a u vs. them situation. if it is, then u have deep issues. it is an exercice in one's social skills. and mine seem rusty.
15.11.06
it seems i really don't feel like working today. so i'll talk.
———
was reading hos' post and realised how hard it was for bloggers to find things to talk about. i think people outside the business the blogging business that is don't really appreciate the tough labor it is to write that perfect post. god knows i haven't reached a good one yet, but am plowing my way to it.
take for instance, my earlier post today. the one on dreamers. the subject has been buzzing thru my head for days now and when i came to write it, quite honestly, i don't think i actually made my point. i will come back to it again for sure. because the me-dreamer-not-doer part is a constant worry of mine. and i wanna dream and live the dream eventually, so... it will be back.
bored, on the other hand, has mastered the "visionettes" as hos would call them... the nazariyett... and his posts truly look effortless and never fail to crack us up.
so how does it work? should one look inside or outside for his/her inspiration?
———
on another note, we urge our london immigrant to double her efforts and start writing again.
———
was reading hos' post and realised how hard it was for bloggers to find things to talk about. i think people outside the business the blogging business that is don't really appreciate the tough labor it is to write that perfect post. god knows i haven't reached a good one yet, but am plowing my way to it.
take for instance, my earlier post today. the one on dreamers. the subject has been buzzing thru my head for days now and when i came to write it, quite honestly, i don't think i actually made my point. i will come back to it again for sure. because the me-dreamer-not-doer part is a constant worry of mine. and i wanna dream and live the dream eventually, so... it will be back.
bored, on the other hand, has mastered the "visionettes" as hos would call them... the nazariyett... and his posts truly look effortless and never fail to crack us up.
so how does it work? should one look inside or outside for his/her inspiration?
———
on another note, we urge our london immigrant to double her efforts and start writing again.
2 blogs in one day. there is a god after all...
wanted to announce the birth of 7izb el akrah.
details and opinions shared on the on boredom blog.
wanted to announce the birth of 7izb el akrah.
details and opinions shared on the on boredom blog.
the death of dreamers
i have always been more of a dreamer than a doer.
———
i have been often getting into conversations about my future plans lately. and i guess that a lot of you know how much i was hating my clients and the work i have been doing lately.
and so i have come up with the decision of reducing my design services and trying to invest in a new solo project, which details i won't get into now. as i usually have the habit of doing, i was discussing of the issue with friends. and these conversations always ended up by an unanswered question:
what if i didn't want to get ‘real’?
real in the sense of real life, what the market demands, how the market works, how clients function, how design is appreciated and what creativity means to common mortals. as opposed to me high and mighty elitist snotty divinity of nothing.
what if i am not willing to move that little ugly drawing a bit to the right, or make the logo a bit bigger or change the font to times new roman? or be ‘creative’?
i found myself professing outloud the refusal to reduce myself into a design slave. no more will i succomb to financial pressures and accept rotten projects with rotten clients.
can't i do what the client wants, take the money and turn my back? no. i can't. and no, i don't want to. each time i try convincing myself doing that, i feel like a little kid getting forced into doing sth he doesn't want. i get a headache, can't sleep well, become very aggressive, and plainly just hate. and then why should i? that's like prostituting oneself. is this how u like it? yeah? u like it like that? yeah?...
my job provides rhinoplasty to cleopatra. cleopatra does not need a new nose, she has a perfectly beautiful flawless nose. and what does the new nose serve? nothing, it only serves itself. its existence as a done nose is its reason of existence.
i guess it's too much to ask for. each and every person i talked to had the look or the tone in the voice that clearly said: grow up zooz! wein 3eysheh?! el deneh ma hek bteshteghel... hejik te7lameh.
dreams and dreamers have no place on earth.
why has it come to a time where dreams have no place? why has it come to a time to comply to certain models and not be able to grow beyond them? or even avoid them?
leh, khayyeh? leh? hunh? leh?
———
i have been often getting into conversations about my future plans lately. and i guess that a lot of you know how much i was hating my clients and the work i have been doing lately.
and so i have come up with the decision of reducing my design services and trying to invest in a new solo project, which details i won't get into now. as i usually have the habit of doing, i was discussing of the issue with friends. and these conversations always ended up by an unanswered question:
what if i didn't want to get ‘real’?
real in the sense of real life, what the market demands, how the market works, how clients function, how design is appreciated and what creativity means to common mortals. as opposed to me high and mighty elitist snotty divinity of nothing.
what if i am not willing to move that little ugly drawing a bit to the right, or make the logo a bit bigger or change the font to times new roman? or be ‘creative’?
i found myself professing outloud the refusal to reduce myself into a design slave. no more will i succomb to financial pressures and accept rotten projects with rotten clients.
can't i do what the client wants, take the money and turn my back? no. i can't. and no, i don't want to. each time i try convincing myself doing that, i feel like a little kid getting forced into doing sth he doesn't want. i get a headache, can't sleep well, become very aggressive, and plainly just hate. and then why should i? that's like prostituting oneself. is this how u like it? yeah? u like it like that? yeah?...
my job provides rhinoplasty to cleopatra. cleopatra does not need a new nose, she has a perfectly beautiful flawless nose. and what does the new nose serve? nothing, it only serves itself. its existence as a done nose is its reason of existence.
i guess it's too much to ask for. each and every person i talked to had the look or the tone in the voice that clearly said: grow up zooz! wein 3eysheh?! el deneh ma hek bteshteghel... hejik te7lameh.
dreams and dreamers have no place on earth.
why has it come to a time where dreams have no place? why has it come to a time to comply to certain models and not be able to grow beyond them? or even avoid them?
leh, khayyeh? leh? hunh? leh?
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