Beirut on August 30, 2006

it is the end of august. it is the beginning of the end of this summer. so long summer! so long sunshine! what a shitty year 2006 has been. ma ma32ool, not one holiday/vacation mitl el 3alam.

———
My sis sent me stamps today.

and a letter.
she lives abroad and relishes the dramatic.
so she sends letters :D

i like my new stamps. they'r cool.
am gonna use them everywhere.
beware beirut, ZOoz and her stamps are gonna ink you away!

———
had my nick cave session followed by nick drake. then listened to Nine Horses (alphabetical order oblige). david sylvian is a god. what a voice.
and now am listening to my newly-purchased album. schoenberg. brilliant.
i think my music sessions today are satisfactory. i should work a bit on my reading.

better go work now.

Mooghamarat ZOozoO al zaghtOora fi brownbag.ae

is ola chica's birthday today.
ZOozoO al zaghtOora came up with the artful idea of sending her buddy ola chica a gift to work. ZOozoO being in beirut, and chica in dubai; the best option was finding an online delivery service. And so started ZOozoO al zaghtOora's adventure on the net surfing for a service.
While googling and searching, ZOozoO al zaghtOora fell on brownbag.ae. brownbag had dvds for sale and for rent and food and smokes and books and batteries and stuff. ZOozoO al zaghtOora noticed the choices were pretty slim, but it sure was better than no gift at all.
ZOozoO al zaghtOora came up with yet another brilliant genial idea of creating a dvd goody bag. so ZOozoO al zaghtOora chose the movie and the junk that righfully should accompany any worthy dvd night.
ZOozoO al zaghtOora was happy. she checked out, reviewed the cart and order, placed her email address alongside to the address of delivery that took 1hr and a half to fully complete and here i take a moment to thank all those who helped in filling the information: the ever resourceful T and rania (i think), the freshly dropped in town almighty Hos and of course the opportunist Coocs who tried to hijack my gift and tried squeezing herself into it, as usual (can u hear me coocoo??)... chose the time slot within which the order should be delivered and proudly clicked on ‘confirm order’.

Thank you for using brownbag. Your order shall be delivered shortly.

It is then that ZOozoO al zaghtOora realized she hadn't got a chance to enter her credit card information, and hence had not paid for the order.
And so ashamed ZOozoO al zaghtOora called ola chica to inform her that a surprise package would be delivered to her today, but that she would have to pay for it herself.

and now chica waits impatiently for the delivery.

? says: (3:33:14 PM)
i'm witin for da dilivery impatiently- mitl l wled l zghar 

She impatiently waits to pay for her birthday gift.

—the end—

Beirut on August 27, 2006

Basement yesterday night



i went to basement yesterday night to have a bit of fun. it did not make me happy. i could barely move. i felt awkward. anyway, there were a lot of people, it was packed. but i had feeling no one was really super hyped. i might be projecting, and most probably mistaken, but it felt more as fasshett khele2 then anything else. there was no genuine fun. but it was cool, i love it when there some trance tune and it starts building up and people all start jerking their hands forward in unison, and then when the music bursts the whole crowd explodes and goes back to a regular but energetic throbbing... awesome... made me smile... i guess coz it was the first time i saw people doing something together. hehe.

———
i am so tired today. happy tired. tired coz yesterday i spent all day with youmz and t photoshooting our new stop motion animation. woohooo!!! finally, self initiated physical labor that strains my muscles and culminates in a creative produce that reminds me of why i chose this and ‘this’ is hard to define profession/vocation and makes me proud of myself. sth to add to the portfolio. sth to remind me that to a certain extent i have it better than others, that i should stop grovelling in self-pity when am down, coz i can do things, produce and work in a field that i love.
la positive attitude! haha

and today we're working on editing, on the music and the visual style. i like it! animation baby!
we'll be entering it in namleh at3a, and will be screened within the 2 weeks.

———
am looking for a song i had for the smiths. i can't find it. am going crazy.
so the smiths today! goddamn that haunting voice. is so nice.

Beirut on August 25, 2006

da7yeh from the balcony


i guess some people wish for their balcony in these dark days. these few days have been darker to me. i do not feel better. the fear still exists, it has changed a bit. but it is still there.

———
yesterday a japanese guy killed himself. he threw himself from the window of his hospital room. he had been admitted in jabal 3amel in tyre on wednesday after suffering a nervous breakdown. he had been an aid worker in bint jbeil.

two nights ago, i met a guy who confessed to me he had been drinking every night for the past week to forget what he had seen. trying to drown what he had seen for 10 days in marjeyoun during the aggressions. he told me he had never seen anything like that. he could not rid himself of the images. another guy was also drunk shitless trying to forget his visit to the south.

what have they seen? what's in the south?

i have friends trying to stir things down there, to re-construct, to help out... they tell me in 3aita al cha3eb the old city has been bulldozered. literally bulldozered. the bulldozer sits on what looks now as a terrain vague.

———
and i wait...
i dunno for what. but it's not over. and the only feeling i have inside is one of suspension. suspended. like the dirt left by thousands of air raids in our sky.

fuck'em all.
they have ripped all of us of our lives.
and now we die.

Beirut on August 21, 2006

i woke up at 4 in the morning; i could hear the planes over my head. they were humming so high i couldn't take them off my mind. except no planes were above beirut tonight. there was no humming. but i could not convince myself otherwise, i could not convince myself it was a fabrication of my tired mind or at least that it was the sound of the AC. i had to drag myself to the balcony half asleep to prove to myself there were no planes. am going nuts; probably symptoms of a post-traumatic stress disorder. i hear it everywhere. but yesterday felt real. i could hear them, expecting to hear the deadly brooaaaggghhhhmmm afterwards. but, thank god, it never came.
how long will i/we live like that?
how long will we live waiting and expecting?

i've been really tired for two days. am starting to feel myself slipping into oblivion, or to be less dramatic, my depressive state.

my mother's story today of hearing the planes while shopping for groceries in our neighborhood does not help; i won't be able to drown that feeling soon...

am tired.

———
yesterday, i went back to one of the lighter routines of living in beirut—the Social's ciné club.
it wasn't bad. i was a bit disappointed, i had been waiting to c that movie for so long...
but it was good. i liked the atmosphere it created.

———
there was a guy i barely know talking yesterday to meemee, he was telling her how hard it was for him to live the experience, fully and humbly admitting he coud not watch tv, see images, or even take photos (he is a photographer), he couldn't. he just had to shun it away. he couldn't handle it. it was too much.

and he reminded me of a conversation i had with nineyeh during the hostilities, i was feeling bad to say it, but i was being honest with myself at least. i couldn't go help other people. it was not from a lack of empathy, believe me. but i just couldn't. i did not have the strength in me to go see these people, and attend to their needs. i have never been a friend to charity, i don't really like it. i find it condescending. a lot would disagree, and would name me —and it's probably true—selfish and scared. but i couldn't. and i still can't. it just is not in me. not evb is build the same way. not evb deals with the same events in the same way.
i would go clean, and i would go build, i would go help in the fields. make me work and make me sweat. it would not be charity, it would be action and survival. it would be fighting the aggression. it would be standing against the oppression.

Beirut on August 19, 2006

i woke up today to the news of an israeli commando mission to baalbeck. the news say 3 hezbollah fighters died in the mission. the israelis say the mission was to avoid new weapons arriving to hezbollah. Manar tv has no information in its little running strip of information at the bottom of the screen concerning the issue.

i was well thru half my drink yesterday in sociales when jade told me that he heard news of israelis raiding baalbeck. i sent smses checkin for news, they came conflicting, some saying was a lie no such thing was happening, some others told me that the channels on tv had conflicting stories themselves.

i came back home later, pretty loaded. was not feeling at my best. slept. woke up at 2.30 , tried barfing, couldnt do it, started walking and pacing on the balcony, decided to drink some tea. made the tea, sat on tv... it was 4am i could hear the planes pacing over my head. the israelies were pacing on their balconies too, apparently. apparemment ils avaient eu une nuit bien arrosée aussi. i can hear them now too while writing this...
so much for ceasefires and as T would say, cessation of hostilities... yesterday night nothing was showed on tv, not on the little rotating strips at the bottom of the screen, no big blue boxes at the lower third, no tattattata tata tata tatat tatat taaratata mooojaz lil akhbar.
and today manar didn't say anything...
what's happening...

evb is covering the 50 french UN guys who r getting to naqoura.
roll out the red carpet evb!
in ramallah, the palestinian gvt is demanding the release of the ministers and the members of parliament that were kidnapped by the israelis.
guess israel was pretty busy yesterday night, while i was trying to reignite my night life...

ceasefire mode...

———
Gemmayze on august 17, 00.30am


people are eager to go out to drink. yesterday night, just like the night of august 16 to 17, witnessed a lot of people in the streets. don't go thinking it was packed as if we were july 10 or sth, but pretty packed considering the situation.
was talking to hassib while watching the people in sociales... are they really back?
i saw all of them trying to drown their worries and stress, hassib felt they had forgotten and are back to their habits and 2-dimensional mascarade.
le philanthrope et le misanthrope, l'optimiste et le pessimiste, le crédule et le cynique.

i haven't been able to free up time to blog. to think of what to blog about.
it's crazy. back to my old habits.
back to work...
i've been working on my new website. finally!

———
am posted home these days. no more sussusudio, bcoz of the issue of power and electricity. it's costing a lot to subscribe to a ‘moteur’. which also means that we might lose ‘press here’ studio... which is very sad.
i don't wanna leave it... it's our place... our special place in this awfully cruel world *sob*
we gonna try evth to keep it. if we do keep it, we shall make a party! and if we don't, will make a party too!
so we party anyway!
woohoo

———
johnny cash today... what a great man...

i also am workin on sustaining my newly recovered reading-as-much-as-i-can habit. am reading Speaking with the angel... it's fine until now, it's a collection of short novels by contemporary british writers.

and am also workin on my dvd watchin habit; always learn, key to never getting bored. yesterday i watched alain renais' night and fog. amazing, beautiful, scary, horrifying, goosebumps-maker. loved it.

———
cheers
peace out

Beirut on August 16, 2006

Beirut on august 16, 2006



this is my first morning in Beirut. am back to my ashrafieh.
got here yesterday afternoon. unpacked til this morning. set up my computer.

———
watching tv. people discussing the dangerous nasrallah speech.
i don't think they'll be a war. i don't think they'll be a hezbollah mutiny.
they r talking of a possibility of recreating a government, and that is bcoz nasrallah talked of a lack of representation in the current government and attacked by saying that the government was weak and incompetent when it comes to spreading in the south and facing israel. he basically blackmailed and cornered the gvt with the victory of the war.
of course, the tayyar ran to the occasion of backing this up.

now what?
reorganize the country? change the constitution? to what?
or opt for a new version of the old lebanon? the muzzled oppressed syria-directed lebanon?


goddamn. i hate this.
i hate it.

Beirut on August 15, 2006

Beirut as seen fron Ain saade on this august 15


today, in lebanon is 3eed el saydeh (Virgin Mary's day).
people ar happy becoz their employers will not count this day as part of the paid leave; as it has been happening during the war. a lot of people "ruined" their vacation days on the war.

———
am listening to Is This Love by Bob Marley. dunno but it seems far, untouchable. i cant relate to it much, especially after yesterday's Nasrallah tv speech.
he bummed the hell out of me.
war will always haunt us, fear will always threat us. we shall never sleep worry-free, our kids will never see the light of peace.
he wrote for us a lifetime of war and martyrdom and sacrifice.

when will this violence end? how does war and martyrdom achieve anything? when did it ever achieve anything?
and moreover what are our ultimate goals again? coz after all of this, i can't remember why we wage war evertime against israel, the eternal enemy. i don't remember what we aim to achieve after each war. we know very well why we stand against them and all their practices; and we proudly and fiercely stand opposed to their fascist politics and zionist xenophobia. but what is the point of each military action? what does it aim to achieve exactly, specifically?

———
on ira tous au paradis, les enfoirés.
... même moi...
today, august 15, 2006, i'm going back to beirut.
... même moi...

Beirut on August 14, 2006

beirut yesterday night. the heavy raids lasted until around 23.00


Beirut as seen this morning


people started heading back home, although the raids in the south did not stop until this morning. i wish them all the luck in the world.
it's 2 hours and a half into ceasfire mode.
let's cross our fingers.
i hope this ceasefire will last.
go ceasefire go. u can do it.

Beirut on August 13, 2006

the bombings did not stop today

on da7yeh, borj brajneh and galerie semaan at lunch time



on borj brajneh, shiyya7 and hay el sellom this evening, at around 19.00


beirut, the sea and the sunset after the 19.00 bombing


attempt at photographing the ship from which we're getting bombed
it's somewhere in these waters


The second bombing at 19.30






and they probably won't stop tonight either.
they won't let anybody in the country sleep.

———
if i'm wrong, i'll be glad to give u a full account tomorrow morning.
if i'm not, i'll do that in the afternoon.

wish all of you a good night.
to more peaceful days.

oblique strategies

i hadn't checked my oblique strategies widget, since that whole mess started.
i did so last night before heading to bed. they had always surprised me on how accurate and relevant they seemed each time i'd pick one. it's funny how they seemed to know exactly what i would be going thru.
so yesterday i got "when is it for?".
haha
i had just been watchin tv and nothing major or decisive had come up, so i didn't think i had the answer.
til this morning... apparently kofi anan expects the ceasefire on monday starting 5.00GMT.

3 days ago, i had answered a friend's poll on when a ceasfire would be reached by saying end of the week, but openly admitted i was delusional.
crazy how things work out...

ceasefire. new beginning of a new era. what happens during a ceasefire? how does it work? join us next week starting monday for a complete update.

israeli phone call again and again

we got called again tonight. this time on dad's mobile phone. i failed miserably at recording it. but i will get it next time. i've figured out the best way to do it.

but most importantly, after concerting with coocs, we came to the conclusion that these phone calls are not made electronically or by some computer program. there are actually people physically calling and starting the transmission of the message.
and so, we came up with the brilliant tactic—or should i say plan—of taking those phone clerks off guard.
when they call on the mobile, the ID comes out as 0000; which never happens anymore for calls from abroad. and in the case of a land line caller id, the ID either comes out as 0 or some equivalent to ‘call from abroad’; and that also never happens when we get calls from abroad.
So basically we can guess it's the israelis calling.
hence when we pick up the phone, we can squeeze a "hoona dawlet loobnan" (or any other moronic prank) before they start their transmission. we'll puzzle them. and they will be bewildered. and we will laugh. and they will cry. and we'd be pointing and laughing "ha ha".

mouahahahaHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Beirut on August 9, 2006

Da7yeh boomboom on the highway to baabda


Da7yeh again from baabda


Da7yeh from road mkalles/ain saade


Da7yeh from mkalles/ain saade road. u can c the formation of a new blast.


we were comin back from beirut. i had spent the whole day there. and boom boom.

———
i was waiting for alf to pick me up from Riad el solh. i waited for him in front of the belgian embassy. there were people waiting to get in; either for their papers or for visas, am not sure. i decided to sit on the bench, facing the street. i was filming, and i realized that each and every passer by—whether on foot or in the car—looked, glared and fixed that crowd. they would turn their heads until they twisted their necks, fixing the people under the embassy.
we have a habit of being very curious in this country. but this was not curiosity.
it most definitely was not curiosity. the look was not inquisitive. it was not prying. it was not envy. it was most probably questioning. it was wondering whether they should go wait in front of an embassy too.
are we making the right decision to stay here?

i was reading aya's blog, and she mentioned her boyfriend going to london. and was talking about how she dreaded the idea of having to come back to our country after this war, to find it completely destroyed.
and i realized that was it. it is that the most dreadful. come back to a country in shambles. completely disconnected from its reality. aya would come back to a country, it will not be the one she left. it would be a new version of it. she would've left it as a 1.0 version and came back to a 2.0. whereas to me if i stay, i would be in a 1.2 or a 1.9 or whatever. i would've lived with it. i would've enver disconnected. i would've grown with it. and it would be one with me. change is only scary when u do not live its process. and i would live it.
i will live it.
and i came to the conclusion right now, that i will not leave. and i will stay. and i will wait to re-construct, to re-do, and i will re-lebanon, without ever have left it, without ever disconnecting. it would be the same lebanon. the one i always knew, that has matured and lived through the heavy raids, and gained from it its experience and is more and is better becoz of it.
we would be one. it would run in my veins, and without it i would not live.

———
i had the luck of seeing most of my buddies when i got to beirut. i was so happy to see them again. we had lunch in gemmayze. it was good.
i bid bello farewell. he will be back. he said so. i have him on tape. i have proof. he will be back.

———
i also ran by cd-thèque. i saw zeez and tony. i wanted to buy the new thom yorke, turns out thom couldn't make it. the war had prevented him to reach our shores. goddam this war. israelis have ripped me of my music fix.
i wish the humanitarian aids that are reaching lebanon would include new music...
cynical, zoozoo, very cynical... u r gonna burn in hell, not any hell, the one with no new thom yorke... oh wait! i'm already there... am burning! am burning!... burn baby burn!!!

———
reminiscent of my early posts
a décor above the entrance of a printing press. i dunno if it shows well but the white paint has been laid over the objects. looks cooler in real life.

Museum area, Beirut, Lebanon.

israeli phone call again

i am really late on my posts. i need to write about the last 3 days. but this more important and i shall write it first.

so... i was slackin on the bed, watching another useless ER episode, alone at home, and the phone rings. the phone is in lobby so i have to walk to it. the lobby is dark and i cant see anything. i have a feeling it could be the israelis again, so i look for the light switch, i find five, but none actually lights any lamp in the actual lobby. it's a reenactment of the switch episode of Friends.

i pick up the phone.
allo?
a silence, followed by a tlikik.
and a deep arabic voice, with a perfect oratory super eloquent tone, starts talking in the most monotonous rythmic fashion. he asks whether i, we, knew. whether anybody had told us, informed us before getting into that situation. he asks whether anybody had informed us of the power, force, strength of the —and i quote and translate—"mighty israeli defence force". he ends with sth to the effect of—i had trouble following his perfect adab-worthy sentences— not only did nasrallah gamble with his life and the life of his people but he did so with the lives of others too.
they hang up.
toooot toooooot tooooooot

thk u very much for filling me in, it's so nice to hear from you again. it brings great great warmth to my aching heart every fucking time you guys call. really.

i was writing a post when the power went out. i lost it all.
and am pissed. and i dont feel like writing it again. especially after all the shit that's happening today.

i had asked that question once, and after Galloway's comment, it keeps knocking back:
why is the israeli blood more valuable to the West than our blood?
why?

how come the blood of a soldier—who is technically, with all objectivity, a direct offspring of the violence and war machine, and consequently inherent part of Violence—is more valuable than one of a civilian? more valuable than one of a child?

where does all that racism and blinding hatred come from? and why?

why?

i ask this question independantly of the war. and i want an answer irrelevant to the happenings of the war. forget who is right and who is wrong. who u r with, and who u r against. forget who started and who retaliated. answer that question as clearly, and as straight as one can.

why is israeli blood more valuable than lebanese blood?

George Galloway interview

on sky news on August 6, 2006 (i think)

if u are wondering who that man is, wikipedia says.
impressive balls on that man. respect.

i love his reading of the media... am not sure about the who's winning the war comment... sure doesn't feel like we're winning or will be winning anything these days. we lost so much til now...

but i sure am happy to see alternative politicians exist in good ol' UK.

Beirut on August 8, 2006

Beirut as seen on this cloudy windy day (was gonna literally fly away while taking the pic)


Reconstructed Ashrafieh and downtown cityscape.


i'm having problems posting pics today...
Everyday we wake up to a new reality, eventuality.
yesterday Sanyoura wept during his speech. his voice broke. the words would not come out. a grown man crying his country. breaks anybody's heart to see. who would think that a politician would feel so much love, respect and so much responsibility toward his country.
he broke our hearts. he gave me goosebumps.
and we survive. and we resist. til when?

———
i've been listening to Iron & Wine all morning. i love his voice, the sound... soothing.

...
Now we lie on the floor
While the radio war
Finds its way through the air
Of the dead market square

And the beast never seen
Licks its red talons clean
...

Radio war by Iron & Wine from Our Endless Numbered Days

———
while i was preparing today's post, i felt a panic attack rising within. not a full-fledged panic attack. the rise of one—the heart palpitation, the sweat, the head block (dunno how to describe it, other than a blata on the forehead).
maybe is it the realisation of our endless numbered days...
what's waiting for us?
am i making a terrible mistake by staying here, waiting for things to calm down?

but how can i leave my beloved country? trabo bi dammeh... i can;t... the mere idea of leaving brings tears to my eyes (honest to god, i am all teary right this instant)

i feel like a bratty teenager; angry at everybody, wanting to be left alone, wanting to run to my room, slam the door behind me and sink my face in the pillow (never really did it,... i see it in those american teen angst movies... and if u r asking how come i watch teen movies, i better clear this from now: i can watch anything—except for Jerry Springer and anything remotely resembling it, that's just wrong and pure filth)

———
no more Iron & Wine... what to listen to... hum...
ok. following the filmmaker's advice. am listening to robert wyatt's eps.
i had never heard his version of i'm a believer... i like it...

———
ok. i'm gonna try posting those pics again, and try to work.

i will not post the picture of beirut i took today. don't feel like it. it's always the same.
———

i'm worried about the israeli threat to the lebanese infrastructure (or whatever is left of it) and to the symbols of the lebanese government.
they won't leave anything standing. they're ruthless and cruel.
khalllaaaaaaassss.

it seems it's gonna rain today. it's in the air. the cleansing rain.
started the day with nick cave, let love in. then the power went out. it seems it's gonna go more more and more now. the moteur dude has problems with the engine. and if the israelis are serious about the threat, i can only imagine them targetting the power plants—and so babye power, babye civilization, hello loneliness.
akh ya allah.
am gonna run. do sth else. don't feel like writing.
although i should start functioning like our mothers and the power and the laundry cycle. wake up and function as long as there is power.
meen ilo jledeh, w la aya bileh.
———

sanyoura talking, making speech.
gotta run.

Beirut on August 6, 2006

Da7yeh's raid at 17.00 today




wedding in between


Da7yeh's second raid



after a silent night, a busy afternoon...
———

ray la montagne today...
i like it...
–——

not much to say today, except we barely got power today... i read all day. if there's one thing positive i can get out of this summer's explosive experience, it's that i'm back to reading—i finally, but sadly, have time for it.

music and books, who needs more?
better than yacking politicians...

Beirut on August 5, 2006

Beirut, da7yeh around 00.30


a zoom on da7yeh around 00.30


Beirut towards mazraa at the same time


Beirut, towards ashrafieh at around the same time too



yesterday i was worried beirut would be hit again.
my suspicions were substantiated at around 4 in the morning.

Beirut this morning


the pic is bad but one can discern some hangin smoke and dirt in two spots...

———

yesterday we received a call home from the israeli government. the recorded messages have been sent to a lot of people here. it's always the same thing; hezbollah bad, israeli good sermon.
my mum answered the phone. she freaked out obviously. she said they referred to hezbollah as rats infesting our streets and they addressed us asking why we give em shelter...

a77a.
———

i woke up hopeful today. after a long stretch of depression and gloom, a tiny sunshine.
dunno y, maybe is it coz i managed to sleep a stretch of 6 hrs after the 4 o'clock raid—longest i've had in weeks.
maybe it's coz i had nineyeh on the phone yesterday, i bummed the hell out of her... poor soul.. and she still asks about me...
i miss her and i miss chica, and i miss meemee, and i miss sooni and rooji and evb else.
i do.
i keep recalling moments together, good times.

look where we're at now...
———

i've been listening to seu jorge's life aquatic sessions all morning.
from now on i'll have music sessions everyday. i need it. i hadn't been listening to anything since the shit hit the fan.
yesterday night, when we lost the power, i had a hail to the thief session; it had been really long since i had listened to it. man it's good, akhoo maniookeh hal album.

maybe that's y i woke up feeling good (or better, let's not push it).
———
underwater... i love you...

Beirut on August 4, 2006

Beirut from ain saade, after this morning's shower.


i didn't sleep much. after sleeping at around 5.30 i woke up again at 7.30 to the jounieh/coast bombings.
i feel like i'm in ten little niggers/indians. u know they changed it's name later to "and then there was none". yeah... that's us.

———
i got this by email yesterday night.


i dunno where it's taken from. i dunno if it's new or current. all i know is that it's even worse than the pic i posted last time. far more morbid. far more heartless. far more cruel. and far more clear.
am gonna go google this; to see where it's taken from. see if it's true. if it's real. coz it's unbelievable. it reminds me of the pics taken of the american GIs in Iraq torturing their prisonners.

———
i am listening to Seaside Smokes by David Byrne and its suffocating me. i feel like i wanna reach for my heart and wrench it out of there and break it into pieces.

i should pull myself from this daprasseh, but i can't today...
i'm all worn out.

am tired

of everything.
of politicians.
of the situation.
of the stories.
of the horror.
of the israelis.
of their bombings.
of hezbollah.
of the speculations.
of this mess we're in.

———
israelis threatened beirut again tonight.
i guess i won't sleep again.
i am tired.

berkooleh

i have received my first israeli or israeli sympathizer hate comment.
happy to know the fascist self righteous are interested in my blog.

Get a load of this crap

crap.
poor mr. producer who lost a lot of money.
poor serious israeli concert goers who missed their chance to have what was it again?... a real choice of concerts.

u bring tears to my eyes.

Beirut on August 2, 2006

First picture of beirut in August.


we heard today israelis warned people that they will hit beirut "bil 3imi2". i thought i'll take a picture of a before... i hope the after is exactly the same.
stop destroying us and our cities and our beirut.
they're going to burn and destroy my baalbeck.
enough. 7ello 3anna. ikhtkonn 3a ikht el bazarkon.
ijreh fiyon.

———
am finding it hard to write or think of anything comprehensive or senseful. am angry, pissed and frustrated.

i read other blogs. read of what people are doing, feeling, sensing.
(...) lost my train of thought...
oh yeah... try to relate, i sometimes do, but i often don't.
i feel alone, lonely and lonesome.
i don't have a point to make. and i won't make any.

———
the baalbeck raid thing has left me baffled and floored.
they can do anything. anything.

i want this to end. i want to reconstruct. redo. reengage. restart. rebuild. rewalk. redrink. reeat. re-evth.
(which reminds me, go to www.re-lebanon.org)
how subtle, zoozoo...

———
i think am gonna go eat. maybe food will bring some order to my thoughts... should eat fast though, never know when the power will be back... gotta make the best use out of it... work a bit... surf a bit...

unbe-fuckin-lievable

i found this link on one of the lebanese blogs—Remarkz, it's a gr8 blog, a real eye-opener...

i don't think any of u is expecting to see this... ma ma32ool...
behold the cynicism.

enough already