for this week, i shall abide by the following rules:
- there will be no gossiping
- there will be no bashing or talking ill of anyone (even of my maddening supplier, who will remain unnamed)
- there will be thinking thrice before talking
- there will be time before reacting
i will tame myself.
is this too much? i'm overdoing it...
24.1.10
Well, it's been a long long time
more than a year since my last post. over two years since a serious blog post.
I've been busy, true.
I've been swamped and distracted, true.
I've been lost too, true.
And now, i am tired, exhausted, and confused.
Lately my mind has been one big muddle of tangled thoughts and vague recollections, unclear logic and sloppy reasoning. I feel i am stumbling on the decisions, as if there is either something pushing me around, or i am overcome by everything that could come my way. I feel everything is so random.
I am at a point where my decisions could be clearer, i have the opportunity now to choose and pick, and i find my mind unable to supply my choices with the least bit of lucidity.
I cannot find the part of me that used to give me confidence to push through. i have lost the one thing i used to think gave me the assurance to voice out my opinions. i find myself requestioning my decisions, and double-guessing the hidden intentions of my unconscious.
I find my reactions unappropriate, my discussions undeserving, my positions unfitting.
And after all the bashing, i still have no pity for who i am, and no esteem for whom i'd become. And not to mention, no explanation for how i came to become what i am.
Now that i've said what i've said, i realize i have no hobbies anymore, no extra-curricular activities, no personal life, no interests, and no personal growth.
The difference between the ZOoz of 2008 and the ZOoz of 2010 is blindening.
I have to take action.
--and now enter the most random feeling and thought:
Facebook has replaced my thoughts and occupied with it socialite gossip trash.--
i shall leave that thought here, and come to ponder of it for the next week, and we'll all pick up then where my avalanche of randomness has left me.
I've been busy, true.
I've been swamped and distracted, true.
I've been lost too, true.
And now, i am tired, exhausted, and confused.
Lately my mind has been one big muddle of tangled thoughts and vague recollections, unclear logic and sloppy reasoning. I feel i am stumbling on the decisions, as if there is either something pushing me around, or i am overcome by everything that could come my way. I feel everything is so random.
I am at a point where my decisions could be clearer, i have the opportunity now to choose and pick, and i find my mind unable to supply my choices with the least bit of lucidity.
I cannot find the part of me that used to give me confidence to push through. i have lost the one thing i used to think gave me the assurance to voice out my opinions. i find myself requestioning my decisions, and double-guessing the hidden intentions of my unconscious.
I find my reactions unappropriate, my discussions undeserving, my positions unfitting.
And after all the bashing, i still have no pity for who i am, and no esteem for whom i'd become. And not to mention, no explanation for how i came to become what i am.
Now that i've said what i've said, i realize i have no hobbies anymore, no extra-curricular activities, no personal life, no interests, and no personal growth.
The difference between the ZOoz of 2008 and the ZOoz of 2010 is blindening.
I have to take action.
--and now enter the most random feeling and thought:
Facebook has replaced my thoughts and occupied with it socialite gossip trash.--
i shall leave that thought here, and come to ponder of it for the next week, and we'll all pick up then where my avalanche of randomness has left me.
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