Reconstructed Ashrafieh and downtown cityscape.
i'm having problems posting pics today...
Everyday we wake up to a new reality, eventuality.
yesterday Sanyoura wept during his speech. his voice broke. the words would not come out. a grown man crying his country. breaks anybody's heart to see. who would think that a politician would feel so much love, respect and so much responsibility toward his country.
he broke our hearts. he gave me goosebumps.
and we survive. and we resist. til when?
———
i've been listening to Iron & Wine all morning. i love his voice, the sound... soothing.
...———
Now we lie on the floor
While the radio war
Finds its way through the air
Of the dead market square
And the beast never seen
Licks its red talons clean
...
Radio war by Iron & Wine from Our Endless Numbered Days
while i was preparing today's post, i felt a panic attack rising within. not a full-fledged panic attack. the rise of one—the heart palpitation, the sweat, the head block (dunno how to describe it, other than a blata on the forehead).
maybe is it the realisation of our endless numbered days...
what's waiting for us?
am i making a terrible mistake by staying here, waiting for things to calm down?
but how can i leave my beloved country? trabo bi dammeh... i can;t... the mere idea of leaving brings tears to my eyes (honest to god, i am all teary right this instant)
i feel like a bratty teenager; angry at everybody, wanting to be left alone, wanting to run to my room, slam the door behind me and sink my face in the pillow (never really did it,... i see it in those american teen angst movies... and if u r asking how come i watch teen movies, i better clear this from now: i can watch anything—except for Jerry Springer and anything remotely resembling it, that's just wrong and pure filth)
———
no more Iron & Wine... what to listen to... hum...
ok. following the filmmaker's advice. am listening to robert wyatt's eps.
i had never heard his version of i'm a believer... i like it...
———
ok. i'm gonna try posting those pics again, and try to work.
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