Beirut on August 13, 2006

the bombings did not stop today

on da7yeh, borj brajneh and galerie semaan at lunch time



on borj brajneh, shiyya7 and hay el sellom this evening, at around 19.00


beirut, the sea and the sunset after the 19.00 bombing


attempt at photographing the ship from which we're getting bombed
it's somewhere in these waters


The second bombing at 19.30






and they probably won't stop tonight either.
they won't let anybody in the country sleep.

———
if i'm wrong, i'll be glad to give u a full account tomorrow morning.
if i'm not, i'll do that in the afternoon.

wish all of you a good night.
to more peaceful days.

oblique strategies

i hadn't checked my oblique strategies widget, since that whole mess started.
i did so last night before heading to bed. they had always surprised me on how accurate and relevant they seemed each time i'd pick one. it's funny how they seemed to know exactly what i would be going thru.
so yesterday i got "when is it for?".
haha
i had just been watchin tv and nothing major or decisive had come up, so i didn't think i had the answer.
til this morning... apparently kofi anan expects the ceasefire on monday starting 5.00GMT.

3 days ago, i had answered a friend's poll on when a ceasfire would be reached by saying end of the week, but openly admitted i was delusional.
crazy how things work out...

ceasefire. new beginning of a new era. what happens during a ceasefire? how does it work? join us next week starting monday for a complete update.

israeli phone call again and again

we got called again tonight. this time on dad's mobile phone. i failed miserably at recording it. but i will get it next time. i've figured out the best way to do it.

but most importantly, after concerting with coocs, we came to the conclusion that these phone calls are not made electronically or by some computer program. there are actually people physically calling and starting the transmission of the message.
and so, we came up with the brilliant tactic—or should i say plan—of taking those phone clerks off guard.
when they call on the mobile, the ID comes out as 0000; which never happens anymore for calls from abroad. and in the case of a land line caller id, the ID either comes out as 0 or some equivalent to ‘call from abroad’; and that also never happens when we get calls from abroad.
So basically we can guess it's the israelis calling.
hence when we pick up the phone, we can squeeze a "hoona dawlet loobnan" (or any other moronic prank) before they start their transmission. we'll puzzle them. and they will be bewildered. and we will laugh. and they will cry. and we'd be pointing and laughing "ha ha".

mouahahahaHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Beirut on August 9, 2006

Da7yeh boomboom on the highway to baabda


Da7yeh again from baabda


Da7yeh from road mkalles/ain saade


Da7yeh from mkalles/ain saade road. u can c the formation of a new blast.


we were comin back from beirut. i had spent the whole day there. and boom boom.

———
i was waiting for alf to pick me up from Riad el solh. i waited for him in front of the belgian embassy. there were people waiting to get in; either for their papers or for visas, am not sure. i decided to sit on the bench, facing the street. i was filming, and i realized that each and every passer by—whether on foot or in the car—looked, glared and fixed that crowd. they would turn their heads until they twisted their necks, fixing the people under the embassy.
we have a habit of being very curious in this country. but this was not curiosity.
it most definitely was not curiosity. the look was not inquisitive. it was not prying. it was not envy. it was most probably questioning. it was wondering whether they should go wait in front of an embassy too.
are we making the right decision to stay here?

i was reading aya's blog, and she mentioned her boyfriend going to london. and was talking about how she dreaded the idea of having to come back to our country after this war, to find it completely destroyed.
and i realized that was it. it is that the most dreadful. come back to a country in shambles. completely disconnected from its reality. aya would come back to a country, it will not be the one she left. it would be a new version of it. she would've left it as a 1.0 version and came back to a 2.0. whereas to me if i stay, i would be in a 1.2 or a 1.9 or whatever. i would've lived with it. i would've enver disconnected. i would've grown with it. and it would be one with me. change is only scary when u do not live its process. and i would live it.
i will live it.
and i came to the conclusion right now, that i will not leave. and i will stay. and i will wait to re-construct, to re-do, and i will re-lebanon, without ever have left it, without ever disconnecting. it would be the same lebanon. the one i always knew, that has matured and lived through the heavy raids, and gained from it its experience and is more and is better becoz of it.
we would be one. it would run in my veins, and without it i would not live.

———
i had the luck of seeing most of my buddies when i got to beirut. i was so happy to see them again. we had lunch in gemmayze. it was good.
i bid bello farewell. he will be back. he said so. i have him on tape. i have proof. he will be back.

———
i also ran by cd-thèque. i saw zeez and tony. i wanted to buy the new thom yorke, turns out thom couldn't make it. the war had prevented him to reach our shores. goddam this war. israelis have ripped me of my music fix.
i wish the humanitarian aids that are reaching lebanon would include new music...
cynical, zoozoo, very cynical... u r gonna burn in hell, not any hell, the one with no new thom yorke... oh wait! i'm already there... am burning! am burning!... burn baby burn!!!

———
reminiscent of my early posts
a décor above the entrance of a printing press. i dunno if it shows well but the white paint has been laid over the objects. looks cooler in real life.

Museum area, Beirut, Lebanon.

israeli phone call again

i am really late on my posts. i need to write about the last 3 days. but this more important and i shall write it first.

so... i was slackin on the bed, watching another useless ER episode, alone at home, and the phone rings. the phone is in lobby so i have to walk to it. the lobby is dark and i cant see anything. i have a feeling it could be the israelis again, so i look for the light switch, i find five, but none actually lights any lamp in the actual lobby. it's a reenactment of the switch episode of Friends.

i pick up the phone.
allo?
a silence, followed by a tlikik.
and a deep arabic voice, with a perfect oratory super eloquent tone, starts talking in the most monotonous rythmic fashion. he asks whether i, we, knew. whether anybody had told us, informed us before getting into that situation. he asks whether anybody had informed us of the power, force, strength of the —and i quote and translate—"mighty israeli defence force". he ends with sth to the effect of—i had trouble following his perfect adab-worthy sentences— not only did nasrallah gamble with his life and the life of his people but he did so with the lives of others too.
they hang up.
toooot toooooot tooooooot

thk u very much for filling me in, it's so nice to hear from you again. it brings great great warmth to my aching heart every fucking time you guys call. really.

i was writing a post when the power went out. i lost it all.
and am pissed. and i dont feel like writing it again. especially after all the shit that's happening today.

i had asked that question once, and after Galloway's comment, it keeps knocking back:
why is the israeli blood more valuable to the West than our blood?
why?

how come the blood of a soldier—who is technically, with all objectivity, a direct offspring of the violence and war machine, and consequently inherent part of Violence—is more valuable than one of a civilian? more valuable than one of a child?

where does all that racism and blinding hatred come from? and why?

why?

i ask this question independantly of the war. and i want an answer irrelevant to the happenings of the war. forget who is right and who is wrong. who u r with, and who u r against. forget who started and who retaliated. answer that question as clearly, and as straight as one can.

why is israeli blood more valuable than lebanese blood?

George Galloway interview

on sky news on August 6, 2006 (i think)

if u are wondering who that man is, wikipedia says.
impressive balls on that man. respect.

i love his reading of the media... am not sure about the who's winning the war comment... sure doesn't feel like we're winning or will be winning anything these days. we lost so much til now...

but i sure am happy to see alternative politicians exist in good ol' UK.

Beirut on August 8, 2006

Beirut as seen on this cloudy windy day (was gonna literally fly away while taking the pic)


Reconstructed Ashrafieh and downtown cityscape.


i'm having problems posting pics today...
Everyday we wake up to a new reality, eventuality.
yesterday Sanyoura wept during his speech. his voice broke. the words would not come out. a grown man crying his country. breaks anybody's heart to see. who would think that a politician would feel so much love, respect and so much responsibility toward his country.
he broke our hearts. he gave me goosebumps.
and we survive. and we resist. til when?

———
i've been listening to Iron & Wine all morning. i love his voice, the sound... soothing.

...
Now we lie on the floor
While the radio war
Finds its way through the air
Of the dead market square

And the beast never seen
Licks its red talons clean
...

Radio war by Iron & Wine from Our Endless Numbered Days

———
while i was preparing today's post, i felt a panic attack rising within. not a full-fledged panic attack. the rise of one—the heart palpitation, the sweat, the head block (dunno how to describe it, other than a blata on the forehead).
maybe is it the realisation of our endless numbered days...
what's waiting for us?
am i making a terrible mistake by staying here, waiting for things to calm down?

but how can i leave my beloved country? trabo bi dammeh... i can;t... the mere idea of leaving brings tears to my eyes (honest to god, i am all teary right this instant)

i feel like a bratty teenager; angry at everybody, wanting to be left alone, wanting to run to my room, slam the door behind me and sink my face in the pillow (never really did it,... i see it in those american teen angst movies... and if u r asking how come i watch teen movies, i better clear this from now: i can watch anything—except for Jerry Springer and anything remotely resembling it, that's just wrong and pure filth)

———
no more Iron & Wine... what to listen to... hum...
ok. following the filmmaker's advice. am listening to robert wyatt's eps.
i had never heard his version of i'm a believer... i like it...

———
ok. i'm gonna try posting those pics again, and try to work.

i will not post the picture of beirut i took today. don't feel like it. it's always the same.
———

i'm worried about the israeli threat to the lebanese infrastructure (or whatever is left of it) and to the symbols of the lebanese government.
they won't leave anything standing. they're ruthless and cruel.
khalllaaaaaaassss.

it seems it's gonna rain today. it's in the air. the cleansing rain.
started the day with nick cave, let love in. then the power went out. it seems it's gonna go more more and more now. the moteur dude has problems with the engine. and if the israelis are serious about the threat, i can only imagine them targetting the power plants—and so babye power, babye civilization, hello loneliness.
akh ya allah.
am gonna run. do sth else. don't feel like writing.
although i should start functioning like our mothers and the power and the laundry cycle. wake up and function as long as there is power.
meen ilo jledeh, w la aya bileh.
———

sanyoura talking, making speech.
gotta run.

Beirut on August 6, 2006

Da7yeh's raid at 17.00 today




wedding in between


Da7yeh's second raid



after a silent night, a busy afternoon...
———

ray la montagne today...
i like it...
–——

not much to say today, except we barely got power today... i read all day. if there's one thing positive i can get out of this summer's explosive experience, it's that i'm back to reading—i finally, but sadly, have time for it.

music and books, who needs more?
better than yacking politicians...

Beirut on August 5, 2006

Beirut, da7yeh around 00.30


a zoom on da7yeh around 00.30


Beirut towards mazraa at the same time


Beirut, towards ashrafieh at around the same time too



yesterday i was worried beirut would be hit again.
my suspicions were substantiated at around 4 in the morning.

Beirut this morning


the pic is bad but one can discern some hangin smoke and dirt in two spots...

———

yesterday we received a call home from the israeli government. the recorded messages have been sent to a lot of people here. it's always the same thing; hezbollah bad, israeli good sermon.
my mum answered the phone. she freaked out obviously. she said they referred to hezbollah as rats infesting our streets and they addressed us asking why we give em shelter...

a77a.
———

i woke up hopeful today. after a long stretch of depression and gloom, a tiny sunshine.
dunno y, maybe is it coz i managed to sleep a stretch of 6 hrs after the 4 o'clock raid—longest i've had in weeks.
maybe it's coz i had nineyeh on the phone yesterday, i bummed the hell out of her... poor soul.. and she still asks about me...
i miss her and i miss chica, and i miss meemee, and i miss sooni and rooji and evb else.
i do.
i keep recalling moments together, good times.

look where we're at now...
———

i've been listening to seu jorge's life aquatic sessions all morning.
from now on i'll have music sessions everyday. i need it. i hadn't been listening to anything since the shit hit the fan.
yesterday night, when we lost the power, i had a hail to the thief session; it had been really long since i had listened to it. man it's good, akhoo maniookeh hal album.

maybe that's y i woke up feeling good (or better, let's not push it).
———
underwater... i love you...

Beirut on August 4, 2006

Beirut from ain saade, after this morning's shower.


i didn't sleep much. after sleeping at around 5.30 i woke up again at 7.30 to the jounieh/coast bombings.
i feel like i'm in ten little niggers/indians. u know they changed it's name later to "and then there was none". yeah... that's us.

———
i got this by email yesterday night.


i dunno where it's taken from. i dunno if it's new or current. all i know is that it's even worse than the pic i posted last time. far more morbid. far more heartless. far more cruel. and far more clear.
am gonna go google this; to see where it's taken from. see if it's true. if it's real. coz it's unbelievable. it reminds me of the pics taken of the american GIs in Iraq torturing their prisonners.

———
i am listening to Seaside Smokes by David Byrne and its suffocating me. i feel like i wanna reach for my heart and wrench it out of there and break it into pieces.

i should pull myself from this daprasseh, but i can't today...
i'm all worn out.

am tired

of everything.
of politicians.
of the situation.
of the stories.
of the horror.
of the israelis.
of their bombings.
of hezbollah.
of the speculations.
of this mess we're in.

———
israelis threatened beirut again tonight.
i guess i won't sleep again.
i am tired.

berkooleh

i have received my first israeli or israeli sympathizer hate comment.
happy to know the fascist self righteous are interested in my blog.

Get a load of this crap

crap.
poor mr. producer who lost a lot of money.
poor serious israeli concert goers who missed their chance to have what was it again?... a real choice of concerts.

u bring tears to my eyes.

Beirut on August 2, 2006

First picture of beirut in August.


we heard today israelis warned people that they will hit beirut "bil 3imi2". i thought i'll take a picture of a before... i hope the after is exactly the same.
stop destroying us and our cities and our beirut.
they're going to burn and destroy my baalbeck.
enough. 7ello 3anna. ikhtkonn 3a ikht el bazarkon.
ijreh fiyon.

———
am finding it hard to write or think of anything comprehensive or senseful. am angry, pissed and frustrated.

i read other blogs. read of what people are doing, feeling, sensing.
(...) lost my train of thought...
oh yeah... try to relate, i sometimes do, but i often don't.
i feel alone, lonely and lonesome.
i don't have a point to make. and i won't make any.

———
the baalbeck raid thing has left me baffled and floored.
they can do anything. anything.

i want this to end. i want to reconstruct. redo. reengage. restart. rebuild. rewalk. redrink. reeat. re-evth.
(which reminds me, go to www.re-lebanon.org)
how subtle, zoozoo...

———
i think am gonna go eat. maybe food will bring some order to my thoughts... should eat fast though, never know when the power will be back... gotta make the best use out of it... work a bit... surf a bit...

unbe-fuckin-lievable

i found this link on one of the lebanese blogs—Remarkz, it's a gr8 blog, a real eye-opener...

i don't think any of u is expecting to see this... ma ma32ool...
behold the cynicism.

enough already

Beirut on July 31, 2006

Beirut from Ain Saade


ashrafieh


Port and downtown


i woke up tired today.
it is hard for me to process yesterday's happenings.
———

it occured to me yesterday that for the first time—or at least as far as i can remember— i am conscious that i am afraid. not afraid, like i'm afraid to miss the plane, or afraid to fail. but i'm talking of the genuine basic emotion called fear.
According to the Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: ²fear
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English fer, from Old English f[AE]r sudden danger; akin to Old High German fAra ambush and perhaps to Latin periculum attempt, peril, Greek peiran to attempt
1 a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger b (1) : (2) : a state marked by this emotion
2 : anxious concern : SOLICITUDE
3 : profound reverence and awe especially toward God
4 : reason for alarm : DANGER
synonyms FEAR, an instance of this emotion DREAD, FRIGHT, ALARM, PANIC, TERROR, TREPIDATION mean painful agitation in the presence or anticipation of danger. FEAR is the most general term and implies anxiety and usually loss of courage <fear of the unknown>. DREAD usually adds the idea of intense reluctance to face or meet a person or situation and suggests aversion as well as anxiety dread>. FRIGHT implies the shock of sudden, startling fear <fright at being awakened suddenly>. ALARM suggests a sudden and intense awareness of immediate danger alarm>. PANIC implies unreasoning and overmastering fear causing hysterical activity panic>. TERROR implies the most extreme degree of fear terror>. TREPIDATION adds to DREAD the implications of timidity, trembling, and hesitation trepidation>.

i cannot remember the last time i was genuinely afraid. i recollect a similar feeling of anxiety and stress—the pain in the stomach, the headache, the nausea... but not that feeling of helplessness tied to an incomprehension of the feeling itself —not to mention its consequences on the physical self—, mixed with a dreading of the unknown.
your heart races, ur stomach squinches, ur head turns, ur legs sag... a horrible feeling...
a torturing experience.
and then the residue of it all is that u develop a fear of fear. u start anticipating—especially at night— the emergence of the feeling; u worry it's gonna hit u again, u start overhearing things, u wanna overcome the feeling so u think u can ambush it by avoiding the surprise, but that is fear itself. so u build up the scenario and worry and stress. and it all curls up into one huge ball that squeezes ur heart into ur lungs, a huge ball of uneasiness, that clogs ur throat, moistens ur eyes, quivers ur voice and leaves u all jittery.
this all happens between the first time u hear a boom or the airplanes flying above u until an hour after it all stops.

they say it's a psychological war, it's a war of nerves, but what it really is, it's a wrecking of nerves. from a 7arb a3sab to a 7are2 a3sab.
coz a war implies two parties, an attack and a retaliation, an argument and a counter-argument, ... but in our case there's no counterweight, no reply... we r not applying the same tension on the other party... we r only bearing pressure and we r not pressuring...

nous subissons et ne faisons pas subir.

and this is the reality of the situation, whatever u hear on TV or read in a newspaper.